Oh Settle Down


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Oh Settle Down
duerra

I see so many people on the board already going nuts over this article, when it doesn’t need to be that way. The article clearly uses a flamebait headline, but its base message does make a lot of sense: when both spouses are working full time jobs and focusing on their careers, it’s much more difficult to sustain a happy marriage.

Nowhere in the article does it imply that other arrangements can’t be made. The man could work in the house and raise the kids while the woman pursues her career, for example. This is one of the possible solutions, though maybe not widely considered to be the “ideal” one, for a number of reasons (sorry ladies, but the man can’t be pregnant with your child and take his maternity leave), but it could work.

There’s also biology to consider – you can scream and holler and flame until you’re blue in the face, but it doesn’t change the fact that men and women are different creatures, generally speaking, and this could very well play a substantial part in the matter (queue replies to all the exceptions to the rule). All the rage going on as a result of this article freaking reminds me of high school debates when all the girls would cry foul when some guy would say that men are generally better suited for labor-intensive jobs. Sure, some women are able to do the job, and some men aren’t, but in general, men are biologically stronger and better suited for manual labor.

The research, in my book, stands for itself. All you people that are so up in arms about the article really need to stop and consider what it is saying, and look past the flamebait headline. It has you all posting, and bad publicity in this case is much better than no publicity.

On a side note, I find it really funny that my girlfriend and I were just discussing this very topic the other day. Small world….

08-23-2006 05:50 PM

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Re: Oh Settle Down
Leslie

Oh, really?

“don’t marry a woman with a career…professional women are more likely to get divorced, more likely to cheat, less likely to have children, and, if they do have kids, they are more likely to be unhappy about it…the more successful she is the more likely she is to grow dissatisfied with you…many working women are indeed happily and fruitfully married–it’s just that they are less likely to be so than non-working women…marrying these women is asking for trouble…despite the fact that the link between work, women and divorce rates is complex and controversial, much of the reasoning is based on a lot of economic theory and a bit of common sense.”

The article isn’t talking about *both* spouses bearing responsibility for the dissolution of the marriage. It’s specifically laying the blame at the woman’s feet. SHE’S unhappy. SHE cheats. SHE is the one linked to the divorce rates. In other words, if the marriage falls apart it’s HER fault for having a career. The way the author sees it, the man in the picture is just some innocent, blissful soul who is put-upon and victimized by the vicious career shark he married.

08-23-2006 06:30 PM

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Re: Oh Settle Down
smartwomanca

Plus, the science does not speak for itself because he put together conclusions from several unrelated studies (without regard to variables found in those studies) and found causation. That is not science. The problem is that it is not upsetting because it is bad science but it also blames one group of people for problems found in the entire population.

I would venture to say that divorce and cheating are higher in women with means because they have the means to do so. If a woman is completely dependent on her husband, it is more difficult to leave a bad relationship.

08-23-2006 08:14 PM

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Re: Oh Settle Down
bnichola

I’d have to agree with Leslie. My problem is not so much the information that was provided, but the solution that the author suggested, simply stated by the article’s title: “Don’t Marry A Career Woman.”

Plus, the definition of a “career woman” is one who makes $30,000 or more. I make that much and I haven’t even finished finished my degree! So, according to this article, I’ve been deemed un-marry-able before I’ve even graduated college. The author basically asserts that it is best for men to steer clear of any woman with a well paying job. How is that acceptable to you?

08-23-2006 09:20 PM

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Re: Oh Settle Down
duerra

As I noted in the original post, I thought that the way the article was presented was more flamebait than anything. I definitely see where some people would be up in arms about it, but this research and these statistics *are out there*. It does need to be addressed, and I’m glad that it was. If you don’t talk about it, nothing is going to change. I saw this article as more of a “call to action” than anything else. Today’s world is changing – it’s neigh impossible for one person to make all the household income in today’s society. But when you consider the evidence, it would appear to me that something needs to change to resolve this, or we all are risking unhappy marriages. Some people are better able to adapt without things such as this being pointed out to them, but many people are not. I see this article as a good thing, presented as flamebait – but hey, that’s what news organizations and magazines do in order to get readers – they create controversy. The article gets people talking, and nothing bad can come of that.

08-24-2006 09:04 AM

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