RE: Post about “pathetic housewife syndrome”


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RE: Post about “pathetic housewife syndrome”
Happy_Housewife

I do agree with most of what the gentleman writer has to say. Has anyone noticed that the incidence of childhood obesity and bad behavior by kids corresponds with the rise of working mothers???? Hmmmmm….no one wants to place the blame where it really belongs – could that be because so many feminists are in the media???

Obviously – there are some feminist women that have either had a really bad marriage, and thus home experience (so – this would really be the “pathetic wife syndrome” – not the “pathetic housewife syndrome”!) or just hate what they don’t have. Thus – the only way to feel positive about their choices is to rant and preach that anyone that is happy being a housewife doesn’t exist.

Well – maybe I’m guilty of the same thing – because I don’t believe any true feminist is happy! I LOVE my life – and I could support myself – money is NOT the issue (but some women – feminist or not – would seethe at that). My husband and I have a beautiful marriage – going on 16 years now. I love everything domestic – cooking, ironing, cleaning – making a house a home….and all my artistic hobbies. I think “feminist” women that are so hateful and angry at “housewives” are really hateful and angry that they don’t have that option in their lives….or they are just unhappy with their own lives.

There are so many truly disadvantaged women in the world – I wonder why feminists focus most of their energy on hating American housewives and stay-at-home moms………..

I think most of the domestic problems in this country would disappear if more wives stayed at home and realized it was something to enjoy and cherish – not be afraid of – and yes – I mean with or without children. I think it is that fear that causes most of the hate-filled rhetoric from the feminists that are posting here.

As for me – I’m going to iron today, then do some sewing, get on the treadmill for 30 minutes, then fix dinner for my wonderful Hubby. After his tough day at work – I think it’s nice for him to come in the door and smell a wonderful meal cooking!

08-24-2006 10:17 AM

Re: RE: Post about “pathetic housewife syndrome”
TheMexican
Newbie
TheMexican
Bravo. Well said.

08-24-2006 10:31 AM

Re: RE: Post about “pathetic housewife syndrome”
mikki0000
Visitor
mikki0000

I think you’re in danger of the same thing you are afraid of – setting out a cookie cutter template for what women “should do”. The feminists argue that the happy housewife syndrome is wrong, while you seem to be arguing that the feminists are certainly wrong, while also the career women who enjoy their work and find that aspect of life tremendously fulfilling are by and large wrong about their choices.

Its obvious that we don’t all come from the same mould. In addition, the more freedom and democracy there is in the world, the more people have options to explore and choose that which will lead to the maximum fulfillment of their potential.

All of us should be free and ABLE to analyze and choose our own path – whether it is to be fulfilled through home and family alone, career alone, or attempt to make both work (of course, as I’ve said in my post – more equality comes with more downsides/ preparation/ effort in marriages for men, so it is up to them to decide what kind of wife they want to be with, and the same goes for the women!) The real tyranny would be the lack of that choice and the imposition of a one size fits all kind of thinking!

M

08-24-2006 10:51 AM

Re: RE: Post about “pathetic housewife syndrome”
matlockcorley
Visitor
matlockcorley

Please understand Mrs. HappyHousewife that everyone who chooses to work and use their intelligence outside of the home isn’t an “angry feminist” and many wouldn’t consider themselves a “feminist” at all. Each woman’s vocation is simply a matter of choice. If that choice for you is to stay at home, good for you! But that doesn’t mean that the woman who chooses to work is any less of a wife or mother. And to relegate to women the entire responsibility for the domestic issues facing families to day is simply foolish. Marriage and child rearing require 2 at very least… some say it takes a village.

08-24-2006 10:52 AM

Re: RE: Post about “pathetic housewife syndrome”
DejaVoodoo
Visitor
DejaVoodoo
Oh, please. The rise in childhood obesity is due to more working mothers? I posit another explanation: the rise in childhood obesity is due to a decline in the number of pirates. Specifically, those with peg legs and eye patches. Think about it! There are less of these pirates today, and more obese children! You can’t argue with that logic! It goes like this:

1. The number of pirates with peg legs and eye patches dwindles.
2.
3. More obese children.

I could draw you a graph, if you like.

And please stop with the “feminists hate housewives” thing. It simply isn’t true. You can’t paint the whole movement with the words of a few – that’d be like me saying that all Christians believe everything the Pope says. I myself am a feminist homemaker and mother of two (among many, many other things – I am also an artist, a Democrat, a sister, a daughter, a lover.) I am happy to report that I do not hate myself.

As for me, I’m going to play chess with my daughter, listen to a podcast of “Democracy Now” while I regrout the shower tile, and wait for my husband to come home and fix me some dinner. After a tough day of childrearing and housework, it’s nice to have my lover come home and cook for me!

08-24-2006 11:23 AM

Re: RE: Post about “pathetic housewife syndrome”
Happy_Housewife
Visitor
Happy_Housewife

Thank you for your support!

As you can see from the other female replies – they read their assumptions into my post. I never said “every” wife should stay home. That poster should read more carefully.

Second – I feel a little sorry for the husband, that after a long day of work, has to come home and fix dinner for a feminist, stay-at-home-wife. She has one tough job – no doubt – but this poor fellow has two!! My husband (I would never be so crude or crass to refer to him as my “lover” publicly!) does cook occasionally – but never on a work day and I never expect him to. By the way – he doesn’t “expect” me to cook – it’s just my life and in a sense, my job, and I love it and take pride in it. The poster feels she has to proclaim her political affiliation, diy construction work, and chess playing to still tout that feminist
(?masculine?) edge….yes – there are feminist housewives too – I am proud to NOT be one of them!! I can only hope this poster teaches her daughter to love cooking as much as chess!!

And finally – it’s laughable the “pirate” response in regards to childhood obesity. I guess this poster has never heard of a home cooked meal that is healthy and has been thought out (and prepared with fresh, whole foods). Probably a good number of working mothers do NOT cook home cooked, healthy meals (hooray for the few that do!) – opting instead for takeout, delivery, and quick-cook convenience foods in the home (which are NOT healthy!!). Gee – I do think this has more to do with childhood obesity (not to mention adult obesity) – than pirates do!!

My main goals in posting this thread are:1. to agree with the male author of the Forbes article, 2. Let people know that there are happy and fulfilled housewives , and 3. That everyone is free to do what they want – however – don’t deny the consequences to society….am I’m not talking about the women that are nuclear physicists, doctors, etc…. – some people have true talents in certain careers that should be utilized.

Thank you.

08-24-2006 11:54 AM

Re: RE: Post about “pathetic housewife syndrome”
grrlpower
Contributor
grrlpower

lady,
a few points.
i’ve been a feminist since age 13. why? becuase i grew up in a house where my high school educated mother was physically and emotionally abused by my father. she didn’t leave because she had no education and no money.
oh and my sisters and i were not fat. my mother stayed at home and we were MISERABLE for it – had she had some education and a career, we could have escaped the cycle of violence (im 3rd generation domestic violence survivor).

second, why is it that anything that goes wrong with kids today, they blame the MOTHER instead of the PARENTS. if you are lucky enough to have two, they should both be bearing the load of that responsibility.

the notion of feminists ‘hating men’ and having bad marriages is obviously some sort of republican brainwashing you’ve endured after years of living in the bowels of suburbia. wake the F up lady!

i don’t hate men, just hate when i
am sexually assaulted on the job
paid less for the same work
told that i can get laid off because i don’t have a mortgage and kids to feed
am disparaged in my MBA program by male professors who think that im not worthy of the cr*p academia they peddle.

if you left your cookie making and toilet scrubbing for a half a second and stopped inhaling the fumes of your household cleaners, you might realise that there are women out there who WANT to work. just as i offer you the right to be a pathetic stay at home loser whose husband is probably banging every secretary at his work, you really should allow ME the honor of getting the respect of being a working woman/mother/wife.

Im sure you love your life but if you say that you could support yourself i wonder HOW since you haven’t worked in 16 freaking years. is it daddy’s money? or your husbands? maybe you aren’t at all acquainted with the pride of earning your OWN money.

also, lets think about all the disadvantaged women out there who HAVE to work. what about them? what about women whose husbands leave them? or don’t make enough money? what happens to those women? im not saying housewives shouldn’t exist im just saying SOMETIMES PEOPLE NEED TO WORK, LADY. if ya picked up a newspaper (not the Post) once in a while, you might know this. its not all about the upper class white version of household domesticity. wake up!

now, i hope you have a good day with your cooking and such, but i have to clean the bile i’ve spewed off my laptop and get back to work!

08-24-2006 12:20 PM

Re: RE: Post about “pathetic housewife syndrome”
DejaVoodoo
Visitor
DejaVoodoo
You say you don’t begrudge other women their choices, and yet here you are, casting aspersion on what I do with my time and how my husband and I have divided the household labor. I made no such judgement on you. I find this very telling.

Yes, I am regrouting the tile. Our house has settled because of the drought, and we’ve ended up with some cracks around the tub (not to mention the drywall…another thing on my lengthly to-do list.) Please, tell me how regrouting tile is a “masculine” pursuit. Tell me how chess is either masculine or feminist. It’s a game, for crying out loud – a game my father taught me when I was just a preschooler, and a game I’m passing on to my daughter. She enjoys playing with me. What is your problem with this?

And while you’re at it, tell me exactly how you arrived at the conclusion that my husband must not enjoy cooking a healthy meal for his family at the end of the day. I have one job, but he has two? If I was being paid for keeping other people’s kids all day – say, in a daycare or a school – would you feel the same way? I put in the same number of hours during the day that he does; the only difference is that I don’t get paid for it, and that my job is a lot more labor-intensive than his is.

As for the pirate analogy, well, I’m sorry for your lack of a sense of humor. There are a lot of factors tied to the rise in childhood obesity – numbers one and two in my mind are marketing unhealthy foods directly to children and a lack of unstructured play time (i.e., exercise.) These can be countered by thoughtful and active parents, but how dare you put the blame directly on women? Men are just as capable of cooking healthy meals and caring for their children as women are. To say otherwise is to sell men short – exactly the way this stupid article does.

08-24-2006 12:26 PM

Amen for DejaVoodoo and grrrlpower
Reader
Contributor
Reader
You two are awesome!

08-24-2006 01:46 PM

Re: RE: Post about “pathetic housewife syndrome”
Marta2003
Regular Contributor
Marta2003

Happy_Housewife wrote:
I can only hope this poster teaches her daughter to love cooking as much as chess!!

Cooking is interesting. Some craft projects are interesting. Gardening is interesting.

If you want me to believe that you actually find the rest of housekeeping “interesting,” you can’t fault me for concluding that you have the intellectual capacity of a doorknob.

It’s not that interesting, even if you do it well. It’s challenging only in the same way that any tedious job is challenging; yes, at the end you get to say you’ve got the job done, but boy what a spectacularly unimpressive achievement it is. I wouldn’t find it fulfilling even if someone really enjoyed it when it was done. You know why? Because it’s ultimately not that important. Neatness and basic cleanliness, yes. A house that’s a work of womanly art? Heck no. If it makes them that happy to have a house of artful attention, they can spend their own time doing it. I can think of a billion more interesting things to do with my time than spend more than an hour on housework a day.

Now do you see why I imagine your life is full of drudgery? You have actually told me that that is the case. Sheesh. You love housework? Are you for real? Who loves housework?

Message Edited by Marta2003 on 08-24-2006 03:49 PM

Message Edited by Marta2003 on 08-24-2006 03:50 PM

08-24-2006 03:47 PM

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Reader Response to “Don’t Marry Career Women” – RE: Post about “pathetic housewife syndrome”

Re: RE: Post about “pathetic housewife syndrome”
DejaVoodoo
Visitor
DejaVoodoo
I shall meekly raise my hand and admit that I like housework. I like any kind of work I can do with my hands; I have a need for something tangible I’ve accomplished at the end of the day. There’s a certain Zen that can be found in the repetetive nature of many household tasks – sweeping, clearing away the dust, folding the laundry, wiping down the windows. Is it interesting? Usually not, but when I look back at the jobs I held before becoming a homemaker – document manager at a pharmaceutical company, office manager at a nonprofit research foundation – I remember that very few people are blessed to be paid for work that they find interesting, challenging, and rewarding. I wasn’t one of those people.

In the end, housekeeping is one of those tasks that’s as challenging and rewarding as the individual wants it to be. I have found, over the years, that the education I received in college has come in handy for the work I do at home. Maybe this isn’t what I’ll do for the rest of my life, but for now, this satisfies me. I am my own boss. I set my own goals and am free to challenge and reward myself as I see fit. The key for those of us who choose to be homemakers is to continue to challenge ourselves, since no one else will do it for us. I still read physics books. I still play chess. I make it a point to keep learning new skills – whether it be repairing that drywall or knitting lace or learning a new language. Every new skill I learn I put back into the work I do, which is not something I could say for my previous jobs. Housework is only drudgery if it’s approached that way.

08-24-2006 04:10 PM

Re: RE: Post about “pathetic housewife syndrome”
crella
Regular Contributor
crella
No meekness allowed! Sweet Marta has come out swinging saying that anyon e who likes housework is as bright as a doorknob. No need to be shy, nor polite…she certainly isn’t!

‘ I can think of a billion more interesting things to do with my time than spend more than an hour on housework a day. ‘

I bet you cringe when the doorbell rings unexpectedly. Oh, I forgot you have your career to blame it on…

*hugs*

08-24-2006 08:52 PM

Re: RE: Post about “pathetic housewife syndrome”
Marta2003
Regular Contributor
Marta2003

DejaVoodoo wrote:
I shall meekly raise my hand and admit that I like housework. I like any kind of work I can do with my hands; I have a need for something tangible I’ve accomplished at the end of the day.

I can’t imagine why housework would satisfy then, as a clean house is almost instantaneously destroyed. Not literally destroyed, that’s true, but as soon as your work is finished, it is dirtied again.

I prefer something I can lay my hands on that lasts.

There’s a certain Zen that can be found in the repetetive nature of many household tasks

I’d rather meditate on the subway on my way to work, for the aforementioned reasons.

I wasn’t one of those people.

That sucks. Who knows what you would have found if you had had more/better guidance, more support, or a better knack for knowing yourself young.

I am one of those people.

Message Edited by Marta2003 on 08-25-2006 01:40 AM

08-25-2006 01:39 AM

Re: RE: Post about “pathetic housewife syndrome”
DejaVoodoo
Visitor
DejaVoodoo

Marta2003 wrote:
I can’t imagine why housework would satisfy then, as a clean house is almost instantaneously destroyed. Not literally destroyed, that’s true, but as soon as your work is finished, it is dirtied again.

I prefer something I can lay my hands on that lasts.

Some of us have an appreciation for the ephemeral. Some of us don’t. Different people like different things. Amazingly, the world continues to exist in spite of this. Scientists aren’t quite sure how this can be, but I have every confidence that they will discover the answer eventually. My hunch is that it has something to do with string theory and platypuses, but I could be wrong.

I’d rather meditate on the subway on my way to work, for the aforementioned reasons.

That’s great. You do that, then, and I’ll stick with what works for me.

That sucks. Who knows what you would have found if you had had more/better guidance, more support, or a better knack for knowing yourself young.

No, it doesn’t suck. As I said before, I’m quite happy with my life. If you find this hard to believe, well, that’s not my problem. It’s yours.

I am one of those people.

I see. You are so content with your life that you have to denigrate and condescend to random people on the internet whose lifestyle choices don’t match up with yours just so you can be confident in the choices you made. I hope that’s working out for you.

08-25-2006 10:54 AM

Re: RE: Post about “pathetic housewife syndrome”
Marta2003
Regular Contributor
Marta2003

DejaVoodoo wrote:
Some of us have an appreciation for the ephemeral. Some of us don’t. Different people like different things. Amazingly, the world continues to exist in spite of this. Scientists aren’t quite sure how this can be, but I have every confidence that they will discover the answer eventually. My hunch is that it has something to do with string theory and platypuses, but I could be wrong.
You stated your preference, I stated mine and explained why yours would not satisfy me. I’m also entitled to my opinion that really loving housework is a mark against one’s intellect. If you don’t like that, get over it, because it’s not going to change and I will feel free expressing it here over and over again.

If you LIKE housework, you’re boring as all get out.

That’s great. You do that, then, and I’ll stick with what works for me.
The only reason I can imagine that you would suppose I intended anything else is that you’re defensive and insecure about your choices. Seeing them (your choices) the way I do, I can understand your insecurity, but if you are as happy as you claim you are, the insecurity just doesn’t make sense.

No, it doesn’t suck. As I said before, I’m quite happy with my life. If you find this hard to believe, well, that’s not my problem. It’s yours.
I don’t believe you’re unhappy with your life; I believe you’re happy with a substandard existence. I wouldn’t live your life for a million dollars, as I’d end up shooting myself in the head. I can’t suffer such terminal boredom. But hey, it takes all kinds, right?

I see. You are so content with your life that you have to denigrate . . .
Hey, the topic of housework was up for discussion, and whether it’s boring. I didn’t go seek out strangers on the internet. My expression of opinion was totally germane to the discussion at hand.

That said, it’s clear that you’re so happy with your life that other people imagining it dull is enough to send you into fits of anger. Enjoy your continuing insecurity.

Message Edited by Marta2003 on 08-26-2006 04:14 PM

08-26-2006 04:11 PM

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