The true cause of failed marriages


Reader Response to “Don’t Marry Career Women” – The true cause of failed marriages

The true cause of failed marriages
girl
Visitor
girl

I know a woman who has been married for 40 years.  She has an undergraduate degree, two masters and a PhD.  For most of her marriage, she has brought home more income than her husband.  They have four children.  She never stayed home with those children past the requisite 6 weeks after birth.  She is my mother.  And she and my father have the best relationship of any married couple I know.

This is not an anecdote.  This is an example.  One of thousands of examples of married career women who make it work.  Jobs don’t cause marriages to fail.  People cause marriages to fail.

Here’s an idea, Mike.  Stop blaming the wife’s career on the failure of the marriage.  And don’t blame the husband’s career either (not that you do).  Why don’t you try blaming the people in the marriage.  It takes two people to make the marriage work.  And two to make it fail.  And in the end, it’s those two people who are responsible… and nothing else.

08-24-2006 03:51 PM

Re: The true cause of failed marriages
empoweredwoman
Visitor
empoweredwoman

There is absolutely nothing wrong with a woman trading up to a better man, whether she meets him at work or whereever else.

If a man does not treasure his woman daily, with words, gifts and thoughtful reminders, is it her fault if she seeks the care she needs elsewhere?

Women, we have choices now – we do not have to be stuck with the same man just because of a vow and a peace of paper.

08-24-2006 03:55 PM

Re: The true cause of failed marriages
ftboomer1
Visitor
ftboomer1
Good lord this is funny. “This is not an anecdote. This is an example.” Apparently, as well educated as your mother was, she did not bother to instruct you in the finer points of logic. Clearly this is BOTH an anecdote as well as an example regardless of how large a section of population that this represents.

Keep the hits coming!!!

To Empoweredwoman:

Wow, just wow. “Trading up” “just because of a vow and a peace of paper.” These quotes are truely priceless in making Mr. Noers point. Absolutely priceless. Thank God I am already married and loyal otherwise I might have to have a lobotomy if I was ever misfortunate enough to be the object of your next “trade up”. Amazing.

08-24-2006 04:15 PM

Re: The true cause of failed marriages
FredIPO
Visitor
FredIPO

empoweredwoman wrote:
There is absolutely nothing wrong with a woman trading up to a better man, whether she meets him at work or whereever else.

If a man does not treasure his woman daily, with words, gifts and thoughtful reminders, is it her fault if she seeks the care she needs elsewhere?

Women, we have choices now – we do not have to be stuck with the same man just because of a vow and a peace of paper.

As long as you agree that men have the same options these days, I don’t see a problem with your point of view. Of course, I think people not taking those marriage vows seriously is part of the problem with marriage today.

As for the whole “it takes two to fail” or the old “it takes two” line, uhh no. The full line of thought is, “It takes two to make a marriage work but it can only take one to kill a marriage.” Sometimes its two people but even if one spouse is so ignored that they cheat (and lets face it, people often make up a lot of baloney justifications for cheating) that person still cheated and broke their marriage vows and that loss of trust breaks a marriage far more so then forgetting valentines day.

08-24-2006 04:29 PM

Re: The true cause of failed marriages
mediaman
Contributor
mediaman

empoweredwoman wrote:
There is absolutely nothing wrong with a woman trading up to a better man, whether she meets him at work or whereever else.

IF THERE ARE NO CHILDREN INVOLVED.

What a self-centered bunch we have all become?

08-24-2006 06:52 PM

Re: The true cause of failed marriages
paully
Contributor
paully

empoweredwoman:

I really hope not all women think like you.  Reasoning like this makes me think twice about marriage,  whats the point if no one takes a “vow” seriously, have we lost all self respect, does our word mean nothing anymore, does the concept of commitment mean nothing.  If you feel like that then just remain single dont get married to a guy, divorce him (take half his pay) and “trade up”  The whole point of marriage is a life long commitment to another, you made that promise, you justify breaking your promise due to increased pay and an education???  This is what womens lib has bought you, the right to resign your word as a person.

08-24-2006 06:59 PM

Re: The true cause of failed marriages
juliandroms
Regular Contributor
juliandroms

> If a man does not treasure his woman daily, with words,
> gifts and thoughtful reminders, is it her fault if she seeks
> the care she needs elsewhere?

Ditto for men who are married to women who don’t constantly fuss over them, I guess.

e.g.

If a woman does not treasure her man daily, with words, gifts, ironed and starched shirts ready before work in the morning, is it his fault if he seeks the care he needs elsewhere?

The problem with modern women is this: they believe that after 20 years of fighting for equality, they are still “special” in comparison to men. Wake up, you’re not.

08-24-2006 11:52 PM

Re: The true cause of failed marriages
Sj
Newbie
Sj

What a shame – I thought I had finally found an interesting thought that didn’t involve bashing either the other sex or another life choice and then I read the second posting.  The first writer had it right – marriage is not about categories, it is about people.  People who chose every day to be together and choose to work together to form their way of life.  If you want a traditional family then marry someone who wants a traditional family!  It’s a wonderful way of life for those who truely want things to be that way.  If you marry someone dedicated to their career, then understand that and figure out how to have the family life you want (with or without kids).  Don’t demonize someone else for their choices or say that a whole category of people is bad.  And there are many people who are not stay at home parents, but who also do not work 100 hours a week either.  Being a career person does not automatically mean you have to neglect all other areas of your life, even if there are two people with careers within the family. As many variations of stay at home moms/dads exist as there do careerpeople. Have respect for the person you choose to be with and determine what works for you both and your children (if you choose to have them) at different times of life.

08-25-2006 02:15 PM

Re: The true cause of failed marriages
khankrumthebulg
Regular Contributor
khankrumthebulg
I have to read some of this nonsense posted by Women in sheer amazement. It is cliches and utter rubbish. Hey Girl, have you heard of No-fault Divorce? Sorry no sale here for your nonsense. Raw data of Marriages vs. Divorces in California has gotten so grim the State no longer publishes it or compiles the data. The Domestic Violence, Legal Profession, Therapists have incomes based on encouragement of Divorce. It means cash in the bank for them. Add to that Remittance processing firms, Collections services and you have more parasites feeding on the carnage of Divorce. No add to that a percentage of what the States collect for the Feds and you have incentives to encourage Divorce for more revenue.

Willie Horton the bank Robber was once asked. “Willie why do you always rob the Banks?” His answer was “Because thats where the money is.” Divorce is the Cash cow for the Legal Industry and it has corrupted our Legal System entirely. By rewarding one party that “cashes out” on the other party. Who suffers? Mostly the children and the Father. Reverse the genders and you have what is going on in Russia. There 70%+ of Divorces are initiated by the Men.

09-18-2006 03:22 PM

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