married to a career woman


Reader Response to “Don’t Marry Career Women” – married to a career woman

married to a career woman
stayathomedad
Visitor
stayathomedad

As a stay at home dad with a 1-1/2 yr old and married to a career woman, I thought it would be interesting for most of you people who feel very passionate about this topic to hear about my recent experiences. My wife is what I call a “real” career woman, in its most dramatic stereotypical form. She is a high profile attorney, makes far more than 30,000 and works as many as 100 hours a week sometimes, usually around 60-70. In the last 3 years (since she became a lawyer – prior to that I was the sole breadwinner while she attended law school during which we were married), we have never been unhappier as a couple. She is the one in fact who found this article so interesting and sent me the link. After our son was born, we both remained employed, both career people and had a nanny. While geography caused a strain on my wife’s happiness — she wanted to live closer to her parents after the birth and we were 2000 miles away — we decided to move. Now we live 100 miles away from both her parents and mine (same town – however I did not long to be closer to mine). I left my career behind and a place I really enjoyed living to help her with her struggle. While my career was difficult to continue in our new city and neither of us were thrilled with having “other people” raising our son we decided that I would stay home with him. What a difficult job it is. I do all of the work inside the house and outside of the house and expect nothing in return except for a clean, healthy, happy home. My wife doesn’t help in any work (nor did she very much when we both had careers – me being actually better at cooking, cleaning, etc.). This is not the root of the unhappiness in anyway, however. When it comes down to it, my wife feels guilty for not spending time with her son and her husband. She is aware too that as difficult and stressful as her job is, mine is as difficult or even more at times. All you moms know what I mean. All of this stress, guilt, and often jealousy towards my time with our son and sometimes “passive” responsibility (taking your son to the playground, and watching TV while he plays don’t normally evoke images of hard work) are the drivers of her misery. While financially we have no choice but to continue for the short term (6 more months at least or moving expenses etc would have to be paid back to her firm), our goal is to move on to something less stressful and for me to regain the position as the primary breadwinner. This is a tough pill for her to swallow, but she is the one who points out that our experience has been just what Mr. Noer here warns about. I don’t think the article is meant to be a blanket statement, but the underlying truth that rings true for most couples is that women tend to struggle more emotionally with demanding careers. So the whole biological and emotional differences argument in our case is true. Giving up on a career beats divorce. Our son comes first, then our marriage, then either one of our stupid careers!!!!

08-24-2006 04:38 PM

Re: married to a career woman
jlseagull
Contributor
jlseagull
She’s cheating on you. Guaranteed.

Sorry, had to be said.

08-24-2006 04:43 PM

Re: married to a career woman
careergirl1
Contributor
careergirl1

You are so mean. I am in shock. Who do you think you are?

08-24-2006 04:57 PM

Re: married to a career woman
myonlysunshine
Newbie
myonlysunshine

it may be mean, career girl, but it is probably spot on.

08-24-2006 05:01 PM

Re: married to a career woman
mkell
Contributor
mkell

Perhaps your wife IS cheating! Otherwise, she is quite selfish and uncaring.

08-24-2006 05:02 PM

Re: married to a career woman
careergirl1
Contributor
careergirl1

Ok fine. Maybe it is true sunshine, but it’s not like we’re stayathomedads best friends and can break it to him gently over a couple of beers….

I’m just saying-people are really blunt on this message board.

08-24-2006 05:03 PM

Re: married to a career woman
shovel
Regular Contributor
shovel
I see one parent working many hours outside the home, and another doing all the housework and child care. One may be cheating.

How is this scenario any different than when the man is working all those hours and the woman is stuck at home? This is gooing to be rough, regardless of whom is doing what.

08-24-2006 06:19 PM

Re: married to a career woman
stayathomedad
Visitor
stayathomedad

And I thought smart people read Forbes. Silly me. All I read in this forum is a bunch of crap from people who don’t seem to even understand the topic much less the article. As for the responses regarding my wife’s fidelity, I don’t think it’s true nor do I think such evaluation from what I have conveyed has any basis. In fact, what would be more likely is that I would be the one more tempted to cheat and due to the strains in our relationship have come quite close. That was missed in the article. Also credence to the article’s truth is that the other women who appear attractive are never career women. I married my wife specifically for the “right” reasons – values, companionship, and stability. Her current status as a career woman is a sacrifice she makes for our family. However, together we have found it to be the wrong choice. Hopefully I’ll be able to maintain my end of the deal.

08-24-2006 08:31 PM

Re: married to a career woman
catsathena
Visitor
catsathena
I think people’s responses to your story are pretty pathetic. The fact that they can only come up with “your wife is cheating on you” as something to say shows they have no interest in anything intelligent. They are probably just miserable people who hope your wife is cheating so that you can be as miserable as them.

If it helps, I appreciated your story. It shows that relationships are a lot more complicated than we think. I know a lot of women who feel similar to your wife.

08-24-2006 10:01 PM

Re: married to a career woman
coreanhuns
Newbie
coreanhuns
I really enjoyed reading your post about being a stayhomedad and the hardship you had to go through. As a young guy with open mind, I also do not mind being a ‘housewife’ when either circumstances force me, or the benefits outweigh the losses in that case. I’m too said to have a skillset needed to take good care of babies and kids; good at changing diapers, making them feel happy and caressing them to sleep fast. I’d like to keep my career for a reasonably stable retirement, but if my wife becomes financially more able and requires more hours outside the home, I’d seriously consider being a stayhomedad taking care of my own kids for the same reason as yours.

As for those who left rather cynical comments, I think they’re just jealous that your wife’s making more money than they do.

08-25-2006 01:49 AM

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