Noer is right…But don’t stop there!

Reader Response to “Don’t Marry Career Women” – Noer is right…But don’t stop there!

Noer is right…But don’t stop there!

I think Noer’s comments were very much on target and I applaud his courage in writing about his observations.

However, I must also say that there is a difference between being a “career woman” and being a woman who works. Almost every woman is one who works, whether in the home or outside of it. Whether she is keeping a home, taking care of children, supporting a husband, managing an office, performing surgery, or leading a multi-million dollar company…the tasks can often be demanding and stressful.

Who has the nerve to say this? A woman, a working woman, who has in the past been a career woman.

Let’s be honest ladies, the pull we face in our jobs is the same as what a lot of men face. It can be challenging – especially in this country – to find employers who respect a work-life balance. I know from my experience that there were continual pressures to choose between what my job demanded and the needs of my family. Stay for the meeting or go to the baseball game. Go on the business trip, or be home to tuck in the kids at night. These are situations that are probably not alien to most women. And the more we focus on the “success” of our careers, the more intense the pressure to compromise in these areas.

So, you scramble to provide coverage. Nannies, maids, fast food, day care…somehow trying to “keep the home” and maintain a career. It can be a viscious cycle, and one that leaves you feeling as if nothing is getting done the way it should be. As Sally Field says in Cold Miner’s Daughter, my life was running me instead of me running my life.

The solution I have found is that I continue to be industrious, but it is not my career that drives me. I work at many things, but my priorities are just that – my priorities. Fortunately, I am able to draw these distinctions because I have a wonderful and supportive husband.

I have a full-time job as a consultant, I own my own storefront, I do web design on the side as well as being married with 3 children. I certainly do work. LOL But no longer is my career the focal point of my life. My LIFE is the focus of my life, and that involves much more than just a j-o-b. I can put my family first, and that means the world to me!

So, my question to Noer and to all men who are championing around him, what are you doing to support the women in your life? If you recognize the problem, how are you affecting the solution? What are you doing to demand that companies to promote healthier work and life styles for employees? What are you doing to relieve some of the pressures in the home? Are you making babies and leaving women to raise them alone? Are you present physically but mostly absent when at home?

Marriage takes a partnership; it takes a sacrifice of a man and a woman willing to share the best of themselves for the benefit of the other. As my children would say, when you point a finger at someone, 3 more are pointing back to you.

So Noer, as a former “career” woman, I thank you for your story. At the same time, I urge every woman – indeed every person – to start living for yourselves instead of for your employer. Because let’s face it, career men are not that much easier to live with either. 🙂 No one should be a slave to a job or a career; that is bound to make anyone (male or female) unhappy.

Message Edited by Proud2BWoman on 08-25-2006 08:48 AM

08-25-2006 08:43 AM

Re: Noer is right…But don’t stop there!

I commend the value that you place on your relationship with your children, my only question is why is it only ever mentioned that the mother must be there for all important events; does this imply that fathers don’t prioritize their children, or that they shouldn’t? And should men place their careers before everything else in their life?

08-25-2006 10:24 AM

Re: Noer is right…But don’t stop there!


I don’t think that placing career above family is a smart choice for man or woman, which was kind of my point (although that may have been lost in my wandering post.). LOL

Why is it that people look to women when it comes to the raising of the children? Because that is the job of the woman, primarily. It is the responsibility of both parents, but the mother is accountable. As the one who gives and nurtures life, it is the woman who takes care of the home. This does not mean that the man is not important, but there are different roles and varying responsibilities in a marriage.

Now, I am sure there are any number of women who will jump up and say that this is not primarily their responsibility; that this concept is outdated. I can only say that I honestly hope those who feel this way forego children. That may be a harsh statement, but no harsher than the thought of children being raised with parents who are too busy to bother being parents.

Does the man get away scott free? Absolutely not! However, there are attributes and values that men and women both bring to parenting; and no matter how hard society tries ot blur the lines, a man is not a woman and vice versa.

It takes both to man and woman to generate life, but there is a reason why the woman is the one who carries and nurtures the development of this life.

08-25-2006 04:28 PM

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