Put your money where your mouth is . . .


Reader Response to “Don’t Marry Career Women” – Put your money where your mouth is . . .

Put your money where your mouth is . . .
Marta2003
Regular Contributor
Marta2003

I want all of those bitter-sounding defenders of Mr. Noer to write something substantial about why housewives are so essential, how much they respect women who stay at home, and why. Simple feelings will, of course, be an element of such an expression, but I expect to also see a deeper consideration of the value of a stay at home wife.

The vast majority of what I’ve seen here is b*tching and complaining about women who want to work. If you care so deeply about them not doing so, I presume you can articulate why it is ever so important for them to stay home. Don’t give me generic replies like “it’s important for children to be raised by a parent.” I understand that value and agree. I want odes to stay at home wife- and motherhood.

Message Edited by Marta2003 on 08-25-2006 05:45 AM

08-25-2006 05:43 AM

Re: Put your money where your mouth is . . .
leeraconteur
Regular Contributor
leeraconteur

I want odes to stay at home wife- and motherhood.

So? What makes you think that you are in a position for others to justify themselves to you?

Motherhood and stay at home wives have intrinsic worth that anyone with a dram of common sense would acknowledge. It should be prima facie, but somehow I doubt your ability to see this simple reality.

08-25-2006 06:00 AM

Re: Put your money where your mouth is . . .
married
Regular Visitor
married
Mr. Noer did not say that women should be housewives. What he said is:

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Guys: A word of advice. Marry pretty women or ugly ones. Short ones or tall ones. Blondes or brunettes. Just, whatever you do, don’t marry a woman with a career.

Why? Because if many social scientists are to be believed, you run a higher risk of having a rocky marriage. While everyone knows that marriage can be stressful, recent studies have found professional women are more likely to get divorced, more likely to cheat, less likely to have children, and, if they do have kids, they are more likely to be unhappy about it.
————————–

Men don’t primarily want housewives. Men want a stable marriage, and a wife who won’t cheat and who will be good with her kids. Mr. Noer’s point is that career women statistically don’t make good wives.

So your question is off topic. But I would like to ask you a question, Ms. Marta2003. Why do you think career women act this way? Why can’t most women have a career and still be a good wife, a good mother, and a decent human being?

Out of the kindness of my heart, I will answer your question even if it is off topic. Most careers are idiotic. What intelligent human being wants to spend his or her time doing the senseless work of the typical job in some miserable cubicle? There is no question that raising children and taking care of the house is more satisfying than most jobs. Only a fool would prefer the average job. Women usually have a choice, and a woman who prefers a job over staying at home is a fool. Men do not have a choice because most women will not tolerate a husband who doesn’t work. When the issue came up with my wife, I told her that she was welcome to get a job, but that if she did, I would quit mine. That ended that discussion. So, did I answer your question?

08-25-2006 07:41 AM

Re: Put your money where your mouth is . . .
Cassius
Regular Contributor
Cassius
No Marta no we are not complaining about women who want to work, we are complaining about women who want to work but in return they are not willing to put their money where their mouth is. I would be prefectly content with beeing a stay at home dad why work if i do not have to ? It sucks most of the time. I have a problem with the fact that women are unwilling to settle for a man who does not meet their money criteria and support him financially. In other words they want the high paying jobs men have and when they got them they want to kick the loosers who are out of a job under the bridge and settle for the one professional who meets their criteria plus the income. I can not really blame them though i am not really looking forward to pay alimony eithier.

08-25-2006 07:46 AM

Re: Put your money where your mouth is . . .
heather12
Newbie
heather12

Well let’s see. I would first like to see the studies that discuss how career women are more likely to get divorced and not have children. Is it possible the reason is because and educated women is actual capable of supporting herself. An educated women, in a bad marriage, is able to divorce because she can actual support herself. Also educated women are more likely to have less children, due to the fact they know the cost and want to give they children they do have the best possible.
Maybe the problem is that career men who acutally support this article are also the lazy type that think once they get home they should not have to do anything. It’s simple when my husband and I get home he helps clean and I cook. Or he cooks and I clean. Then we catch up on Sundays, simple. I am happier now than ever and I am sure many career women will say the same. It is the type who support Forbes article that have wives leaving or cheating, and rightfully so.

08-25-2006 08:04 AM

Re: Put your money where your mouth is . . .
Cassius
Regular Contributor
Cassius
Letsee I want a career woman. She must make at least as much as I so i will not be held liabel in the event of divorce, more is better, but iam not finished yet, she must also be good looking and sportive, flexibel must have a cherish personality should be creative in bed must be willing to cook OR clean and should not be opressive controlling or naggin in any way. How does that sound girls ? Does anyone qualify ?

I forgot common interests are a must you must not have actually the same interests as I it is sufficient if you fake it.

08-25-2006 08:42 AM

Re: Put your money where your mouth is . . .
mannersman
Newbie
mannersman
“Married” hits the nail on the head. Take it from a victim (me) of the career wife syndrome.
They are never happy or satisfied in most things (even in the dating world).
I played by all the rules. No, I’m not a slob, I like trying new things, love cooking, love surprising my mate, well read and educated, etc. But as a civil servant I don’t make much (but the job is rewarding to me). Bottom line: it’s all about the $ for the ladies! Sorry!
“Heather12” – divorce is never easy on either party emotionally, but financially women, regardless of income, have the laws stacked their way. You can be dirt poor and get help.
Guys — don’t marry! From a balance sheet it’s bleeding red — a real loss in all areas.

Women have lost respect for men. It’s a sorry state I’m afraid.

08-25-2006 08:48 AM

Re: Put your money where your mouth is . . .
Sublime
Newbie
Sublime
I’m sure the women you date are faking just about everything with you.
Perhaps if you readjust Your attitude reality won’t seem so distasteful to you.

08-25-2006 09:12 AM

Re: Put your money where your mouth is . . .
Cassius
Regular Contributor
Cassius
Nooo i will not I deserve it ALL now. Just joking ^^.
Sooo i should readjust my attidude . Now that is a VERY GOOD advice thank you very much. I hope more people on this forum will take your advice to hearth.

08-25-2006 09:15 AM

Re: Put your money where your mouth is . . .
EnglishProf
Contributor
EnglishProf

I’m curious as to the geographical location of many of the writers of these postings. Many of the men seem to be asserting that women are just after their money and want to be taken care of. If you are in NYC, then I would have to agree with you partly. I lived in NYC for nine years and had numerous girlfriends who were on the hunt for the rich guy who could take care of them–but they never seemed satified with any who asked them out. I was really quite horrified by some of the attitudes. On the other hand, I knew men who wouldn’t date women in teaching, or grad school, or publishing, because they would never bring in as much money as, say, a lawyer. Many men had a sense of entitlement–the girl had to be model-pretty, not too bright, etc. The life goals always seemed unattainable to me: the designer clothes, high-rent apartments, second homes in the Hamptons, dinners out, weekly manicures and pedicures, etc. etc.

Point is: in making these assumptions and desires, the sexes objectify each other.

I think you will find attitudes to be “healthier” in places like small communities of the south or the mid-west where there is more emphasis on community, family, etc.

I think that in looking for spouses, people often look for the wrong thing and in the wrong places.

08-25-2006 10:15 AM

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Reader Response to “Don’t Marry Career Women” – Put your money where your mouth is . . .

Re: Put your money where your mouth is . . .
IshWishDish
Regular Contributor
IshWishDish

Married, you said: “There is no question that raising children and taking care of the house is more satisfying than most jobs. Only a fool would prefer the average job.”

I’m wondering if you’ve spent any time as a stay-at-home parent. I’m guessing from what you said later in your post that you have not. I stayed home for roughly two years after my son was born (other than part-time evening jobs taken out of necessity; although we live in the very conservative and very low cost-of-living part of the country, we could not have survived solely on my husband’s income). This year, I have begun working full time. How do they compare? Well, interestingly I find that the time I now spend at work is dramatically less stressful than the time I spent at home. It is less isolating, less physically demanding, and less frustrating. It is more stimulating, more immediately rewarding, and sometimes even more fun. I’m happier now than I was then. My husband is happier, even though the house is messier, because he has a wife who’s not depressed and not desperately clinging to him for attention when he comes home. My son’s happier because he loves his daycare where he gets to play with many other children and learn new things and explore toys and books and games we don’t have at home. My time with him, though lessened, is better because I’m completely engaged with him when we’re together now, and I enjoy the privelige and treasure of time spent playing with him so much more now that it’s not my entire existence. Understand I am not some driven, high-pressure, must-succeed/must-get-rich/must-be-important kind of person. I’m as laid back and frankly lazy as they come. And yet.

For most of the time I was staying home, my husband frequently expressed how lucky I was to get to do that while he had to work. Ultimately, he decided he wanted the same opportunity. So I went to work, and he stayed home. He very quickly expressed to me how blown away he was by how wrong his assumptions were about staying home. He said it was the most exhausting thing he’d ever done in his life (which is quite a statement; my husband works in health care). About five months later, we placed our son in a great daycare and my husband went back to work.

I don’t judge anyone for the choices they make in their own life. All I and many of the women here are asking is that everyone just stop judging us for ours.

08-25-2006 10:25 AM

Re: Put your money where your mouth is . . .
Cassius
Regular Contributor
Cassius
youre right about it. Iam dating a polish girl right now who has never been brainwashed in our universities. Shes sweet sexy sporty and her mother is not divorced. And when she want something she simply tells it and doesnt give me no bull or anything. Shes not rich though (WaaaH!) She will never be abel to pamper and spoil me. Oh well.

08-25-2006 11:51 AM

Re: Put your money where your mouth is . . .
married
Regular Visitor
married
IshWishDish has a point in that raising kids and taking care of the house is more work than the average job. I have taken over the house and kids for short periods of time, so I do know what is involved. The average job requires very little work other than sucking up to one’s boss and appearing to look busy. So for lazy people, a job may be better. What I said is that staying at home is more satisfying, and I stand by that. As a high energy, impatient person, I find most jobs to be miserable. I guess it is an irony of modern times that as the business world becomes more corrupt and office politics takes precedence over productivity, women may in fact be better suited for most jobs since they are more patient and better at sucking up to the boss.

IshWishDish also has a point about daycare. It is sad that modern America is not well suited for kids to just go out and play. In the past, and in other countries, high density neighborhoods had lots of kids running around, sharing toys and having fun. Now we have houses too spread out and paranoia that prevents kids from being free. So now parents waste their time on play-dates and their money on numerous overly-structured activities for kids. I think this is another victim of feminine values dominating our society, because it is women who generally want structure, big houses, and safety over freedom and fun.

08-25-2006 03:41 PM

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