Can’t there be both?


Reader Response to “Don’t Marry Career Women” – Can’t there be both?

Can’t there be both?
bigsigh
Regular Visitor
bigsigh
I kind of posted this below and no one responded so I assume that no one wants to admit it because then their arguments fly straight out the window.

Can’t a woman have a career and be a good mom and wife? I know plenty of women who fall into this catergory, plus I know plenty of women who don’t. So there is obviously something else that factors in besides having a career if there are people on both sides of the fence.

Just a thought.

08-26-2006 02:40 PM

Re: Can’t there be both?
Atowngal
Visitor
Atowngal

Absolutely. You just have to try harder and find a balance to make it work. I’m surprised no one responded to your thought – because it can be done.  The responses to this article are all over the map, some don’t even address the issues discussed. Honestly, I know more unhappy stay at home moms, then unhappy working women. I’m don’t believe it’s truely the cause of the unhappiness, other choices combined for that result. Maybe other hyped up Forbes readers will come to your balanced conclusion.

08-26-2006 03:07 PM

Re: Can’t there be both?
Romulus
Regular Contributor
Romulus
Of course there can be both. I can choose to climb a mountain with a 10 lb. backpack or a 75 lb. backpack. But you know what? I’m gonna pick the 10 lb. one solely b/c it makes my life easier. If I’m working 70 hours a week it only makes sense to be married to a woman who will keep the house in order and raise the family. However, if I am working 70 hours a week and I am married to a career woman, it makes my life more complicated b/c I have to do MORE work! Like I keep saying, men are simple creatures. We look for efficiency not whether you have a master’s degree or are decisive, etc. The sooner women accept this, the better their understanding of men will be.

Message Edited by Romulus on 08-26-2006 03:30 PM

08-26-2006 03:25 PM

Re: Can’t there be both?
AnnG
Contributor
AnnG

Of course there can be both.  There are no absolutes, despite the ravings of some of the folks here.  In my opinion, ANY time someone states that “all men are x” or, “all women think y” or, “the ONLY way to do things right is by a, b, c” they are automatically wrong.  (Oops, was that an absolute?  Sorry!)

I’m sure it’s very convenient for some of these guys to have feminism to blame for all their failed relationships, but they might want to take a look in the mirror at their own obnoxious personalities instead.  Feminism is, after all, nothing more than “the radical notion that women are people.”  (Cheris Kramarae, Paula Treichler).  Who can be offended by that?

08-26-2006 03:59 PM

Re: Can’t there be both?
toadman
Regular Contributor
toadman

“Feminism is, after all, nothing more than “the radical notion that women are people.”  (Cheris Kramarae, Paula Treichler).  Who can be offended by that?”

Radical notion? Un-freekin-believable….  And all along I thought it was about equal rights, not slavery! Silly me, back to womyn’s historical revisionism studies I must now go for re-edumacation.

08-26-2006 04:19 PM

Re: Can’t there be both?
sirus_omega
Newbie
sirus_omega

Just want to address the statement “Feminism is, after all, nothing more than ‘the radical notion that women are people.’  (Cheris Kramarae, Paula Treichler).  Who can be offended by that?”

The “notion that women are people” probably won’t offend anyone today, and is, of course, something everyone SHOULD agree with.

However, saying “the radical notion that women are people” can be (indeed, often is) offense, because it seems to imply that most people (for example, most men) do NOT usually think this way.  And regardless of whether or not that is true, it is a poor way to phrase it, as it seems to accuse everyone!  Thus, for some one, such as myself, who supports women’s rights and seeks equality in all aspects of society, this statement can be offense.

08-26-2006 04:44 PM

Re: Can’t there be both?
AnnG
Contributor
AnnG

Cheris Kramarae and Paula Treichler are feminist authors.  Sorry, I can’t tell you the origin of that quote – I simply took it off one of my favorite t-shirts!  It’s an old shirt, so perhaps it’s an old quote, back from when the notion was still radical.

I would imagine they were being provocative to make a point.  Sorry you missed it.

Try not to take yourself too “sirus-ly,” okay?

Message Edited by AnnG on 08-26-2006 05:32 PM

08-26-2006 05:27 PM

Re: Can’t there be both?
bigsigh
Regular Visitor
bigsigh
Atowngal,

Thank you for agreeing with me but I think there may be some flaws in your statement. Yes, you might know unhappy housewives and happy career women BUT, to me, this makes these women sound very selfish. Once you get married, it’s not just about what you want anymore. It’s about what is good for you AND your husband. Marriage is about compromise and selfish people should never get married. Once you have kids, it becomes not what you and your husband want BUT, what is good for the kids. Selfish couples should never have kids. If it is better for the family that one parent stays home (and it doesn’t always have to be the mom) then that sacrafice has to be made. Kids have no control over what happens in thier lives and deserve the best that thier parents can offer them. If you and your husband are not ready to make certain sacrafices, then you should not have children.

I really and truly believe that selfishness is one of the biggest problems in marriage and one of the biggest reasons why more marriages end in divorce. No longer are we teaching our children to have servants hearts, to serve other people without expecting anything in return. Our children have become consumers who only think about me me me, I I I. Children need to learn that volunteering is important, that helping others is important and they need to learn that the best reward is not money or even a thank you, but the knowledge that you helped someone, even if they didn’t ask or expect it. If we bring them back to this way of thinking, I really believe that you would see divorce rates decrease as this generation gets older and starts to marry.

08-26-2006 05:32 PM

Re: Can’t there be both?
bigsigh
Regular Visitor
bigsigh
Romulus,

Please see my response to your post in “Place blame where it’s due” but I will copy and paste this last part.

“So, Romulus, if you are not willing to work hard in order to make marriage work (as I suspect this is the case considering the comment you posted to “can’t there be both”) then you probably should not get married. Which is not such a bad thing, some people are not ment to get married, just like some people are not ment to have kids. You don’t always have to follow the crowd. But let me tell you, even if you marry a woman who decides not to have a career, you will still have to work hard at it.”

And again, you have made a blanket statement about men that is simply not true for all men. Some men encourage thier wives to continue in thier careers and education (ie. my husband and many other husbands I know). Some men want a woman who will challenge them intellectually. Now if these are things you don’t look for, ok. That’s your choice, but saying that all men are like this is untrue. I am not claiming to understand all men. I understand my husband. I understand my best friend (a man who is married). I understand the men that I am close to. And none of them believe the way you do. Which is the beauty of life isn’t it? That we can all have different opinions? I would just be careful about making such strong statements which seem to encompase all male thinking, because my conjecture is that you don’t understand all men, just those that think like you. And not all of them do.

08-26-2006 05:43 PM

==============================================================================
Click on the board or message subject at the top to return.

Advertisements
%d bloggers like this: