Rise up!


Reader Response to “Don’t Marry Career Women” – Rise up!

Rise up!
coffee
Visitor
coffee

The advice to avoid marrying career oriented women might just as well be applied to career oriented men. Indeed, you could say anybody who put their career first is not the best candidate for any type of social relationship and you don’t have to marry such a person to learn that. Even working with a “my career first” person is no picnic. Its really the priority the person puts on their career that matters.

At the same time, there is another lesson going on here which is that when you approach relationships with a consumer mentality you really need to be careful. When your focus is of a “what can you do for me” or “what have you done for me lately” or “do you measure up to what I want” you can easily undermine and damage the relationship. Unless you want your marriage to be at the same level as a business relationship, you really need to tread lightly in the area of evaluating the other person.

If you really want to enhance your relationships and your happiness, you would be better off spending most of your time focusing things you can control and on questions such as “what can I do for you?”.

For example, instead of sterotyping and proclaiming a negative evaluation of career oriented women as marriage partners and inciting the inevitable war of words, ask some deeper questions such as why this might be in some cases and how can I help.

Although not true in every case, many career oriented women are motivated by the fear of being mistreated by men. For these women like some men independence = security even if only an illusion. Why is there such a fear?

Why not take this as a challenge for men to treat women better and to be more trustworthy? Why not rise to the occasion instead of sinking into insults, finger pointing and bickering?

08-26-2006 08:15 AM

Re: Rise up!
radiator
Regular Contributor
radiator

Rock on, coffee. You may want to check out my reply on FireHimForbes.

08-26-2006 08:33 AM

Re: Rise up!
Jman
Contributor
Jman

Yeah, the funny thing is all the people ranting and raving, while I’m sure they are pretty smart people, but seem to forget the reason why you joing a partnership, company, or marriage, is that often you can get stuff done better by working together, otherwise you’d just do it all yourself. You can only benifit by that synergy if you all work together. Inorder to work together you must put enough focus on the relationships. Fundamentally, good relationship skills is the key. A lot of the people, men and women, who are complaining and complaining that they aren’t getting the end they want, completely seem to be blinding by one of the key fundamental ways to actually get the end they want. If both parties keep an open honest relationship, caring for each other, and planning and working on the relationship itself before and after the marriage, they’ll put themselves both on the best chance of getting what they want.

08-26-2006 09:05 AM

Re: Rise up!
coffee
Visitor
coffee

Hi Radiator, I read your story. Except for a detail, you could be my sister! I am the son in the same story! I have the same first hand experience from a different point of view. I am keenly aware of the impact on my mother and sister. My career oriented sister is very successful but her marriage failed. I am also the father of a young career oriented daughter. I admit I want to protect women.

08-26-2006 09:58 AM

Re: Rise up!
coffee
Visitor
coffee

I should add lest abybody get the wrong idea about me being some kind of saint…

I wish I could say that as a boy I rose to the challenge and helped my mother and sister. I did not. I was a very self absorbed and mean boy who only added to their suffering which is something I came to deeply regret when I later became a man. I asked and they both forgave me and yet like a person carrying a scar from a physical accident, I see that they are both indelibly marked. I can’t take away their scars but I did decide I could do whatever I could to make the best of things from then on.

So criticize a women for just wanting to protect herself? Not me.

My career oriented daughter and her friends complain that they can’t find any men to date only boys but they are holding out for some men. I am glad they feel that way and tell them they are right to hold out because I know that a boy will take offense to what they are saying while a man will gladly accept and rise up to the challenge.

My son in college says girls are snobby and want too much and I tell him to be a man and accept the challenge. Even if you do your best and its still not good enough you can be proud that you took on the challenge like a man. You can never go wrong stepping up to the challenge and giving it your best.

And when we fail, as we all do, get back up, make a amends, learn and get back at it.

08-26-2006 12:44 PM

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