This Career Woman’s Rebuttal


Reader Response to “Don’t Marry Career Women” – This Career Woman’s Rebuttal

This Career Woman’s Rebuttal
AnnieDiP
Newbie
AnnieDiP

This sort of male ego pandering belongs in Maxim, or Playboy, or some other female-depreciating publication.  The fact that Forbes let this archaic ideology bear their stamp is shocking.

“Just, whatever you do, don’t marry a woman with a career.”

Women who have careers have tasted the forbidden fruit men have been hoarding since the beginning of time (…looks like they’re still preoccupied with the first forbidden fruit debacle….).  Challenges, stress, success, deadlines, promotions, praise, recognition – these can bring fulfillment to a person’s life – sometimes they can even bring an adrenaline rush.  Once you’ve tasted the good life (if it indeed appeals to you), you’re not going to be fully, 100% satisfied with a day that consists of diapers, play dates, car pools,  laundry, and Oprah.  So sure – in the grand scheme of things, women who have careers may not be as happy balancing a marriage as women who have never worked.

But let’s follow Noer’s logic for a minute….  My high school economics teacher once used this example of Christmas – there’s always a build up to Christmas morning, followed by a letdown when all the presents are opened.  A child who has never experienced Christmas doesn’t experience this letdown, and is relatively happier.  So is it best to get rid of Christmas?  Is it accurate to say that a child who experiences Christmas is less happy than a child who doesn’t?   I bet if I’d never been to the beach, I wouldn’t be as unhappy as I am that I’m not there right now.  So does that mean that I should avoid the beach at all costs?  Additionally, if I’d never tasted a perfect filet mignon, I probably wouldn’t be as unsatisfied with my microwavable Lean Cuisine Spa Meal – should I just, whatever I do, not eat at fine restaurants?

Noer suggests that women who work are more likely to cheat.  If a woman is surrounded by dozens of men with similar educations, interests, and goals in the work place, there is a higher chance that she’ll be attracted to one of them, and perhaps become intimate.  Sure, if a woman is constantly surrounded by small children and Oprah, she has less of an opportunity to interact with other men, and less of a chance of cheating.  So if the probability that your wife will cheat increases as the level of her interaction with other men increases, why not just lock her in the basement?  OR – you could make her invisible to other men – they won’t want what they can’t see!  You could dress her in a head to toe cloth, with mesh eye holes, and then she could still go get groceries and chase after the kids (which she obviously couldn’t do from a basement cell).  But – if a women’s likelihood of cheating increases as her interaction with men that make her happier than you do increases, why not just make her happy?   One would think Noer’s a bit insecure….

“Individuals who earn more than $30,000 a year are more likely to cheat.”  Noer’s solution:  don’t let women earn more than $30k a year.  Insecurity rears it’s ugly head once again – a woman earning more than 30k a year can survive off her own income.  She’s not forced to depend on a man, therefore not forced to put up with a man that she doesn’t love, or who abuses her.  The woman without an income may stay with that worthless SOB because she can’t afford to do what’s best for herself – and that may be to leave him for a loving, kind coworker who will make her happy for the rest of her life.   Sure, she may cheat on that man, but isn’t it worse if she says out of necessity?  (Also, note that he said “individuals” – not women, but men and women.  Apparently he sees no problem with working men running off with their secretaries… )

“Women’s work hours consistently increase divorce, whereas increases in men’s work hours often have no statistical effect.”  Score one for the women!  So basically as a man works more and more the woman is able to adjust and compensate at home where he is unable to perform.  But if a woman works more and more the man will most likely microwave the leftovers with the tinfoil still on.

At this point I must stop myself.  Noer obviously got dumped by a successful career woman, who probably didn’t run home and throw on an apron when he suggested they take it to the next level.  Frankly the issue debunking his testosterone fest is this –  sure, a career woman may be relatively unhappier than a housewife – but who’s to say she’s not more fulfilled?  (I would be happiest in a hammock in the Caribbean with a never-ending margarita, but what sort of life would that be?)

It’s not a cut and dry scenario, and Noer makes a fatal flaw – he compares a full-time working husband and full-time working wife with a full-time working husband and housewife.  Two working spouses have a larger bank account, and therefore can afford nicer things, a bigger house and better vacations.  They have larger retirement funds, and can therefore retire earlier.  Though he’s abrasively offensive towards women, he manages to insult men as well – Perhaps he’s only speaking for himself, but Noer completely discounts a man’s ability to compromise – and compromise is the key to any successful relationship.

If a man can’t compromise enough to allow me work and make more money than him, then I feel sorry for him.   I wouldn’t trade my education, experience, income, and ever growing 401k for a guy who couldn’t even pick up the slack if the situation required.

08-25-2006 04:53 PM

Re: This Career Woman’s Rebuttal
Antiriad
Regular Contributor
Antiriad
Women who have careers have tasted the forbidden fruit men have been hoarding since the beginning of time

This statement alone is so absurd, it’s barely worth responding to.

Office work is a new innovation and has existed for a mere handful of decades. For centuries before, “work” consisted of hard manual labor for 99% of the population.

08-25-2006 04:58 PM

Re: This Career Woman’s Rebuttal
LL
Contributor
LL

Women who have careers have tasted the forbidden fruit men have been hoarding since the beginning of time

Ummmmm………………………………WHAT!?!?!?

I think you should re-read all of your history books. I believe the accurate version of history says something that is totally different.

-LL

08-25-2006 05:02 PM

Re: This Career Woman’s Rebuttal
phoebus1996
Newbie
phoebus1996
Female-“depreciating”?

“Once you’ve tasted the good life (if it indeed appeals to you), you’re not going to be fully, 100% satisfied with a day that consists of diapers, play dates, car pools, laundry, and Oprah.”

Speak for yourself. The fact is, there are legions of very educated career women happily giving up great jobs every day to stay home with their children. Google it and read some of the stories.

I’m a career girl, and frankly, I’m embarrassed by my cohorts’ response to this article. Why are you all so angry? You all write ON and ON and drone ON and ON and you know what? You’re boring. And the longer you write, the more apparent it is how much of a nerve this struck with you. Why would this strike such a nerve with you? A truly educated career woman shouldn’t care what one dopey guy thinks. Do you somehow, deep inside, know he’s right? Is that why you’re having a series of small strokes over this?

08-25-2006 05:09 PM

Re: This Career Woman’s Rebuttal
toadman
Regular Contributor
toadman

Uh oh, dissention amongst the ranks. Pull up a lawnchair and grab a cold one, guys.

08-25-2006 05:13 PM

Re: This Career Woman’s Rebuttal
leeraconteur
Regular Contributor
leeraconteur

But let’s follow Noer’s logic for a minute….  My high school economics teacher once used this example of Christmas – there’s always a build up to Christmas morning, followed by a letdown when all the presents are opened.  A child who has never experienced Christmas doesn’t experience this letdown, and is relatively happier.  So is it best to get rid of Christmas?  Is it accurate to say that a child who experiences Christmas is less happy than a child who doesn’t?   I bet if I’d never been to the beach, I wouldn’t be as unhappy as I am that I’m not there right now.  So does that mean that I should avoid the beach at all costs?  Additionally, if I’d never tasted a perfect filet mignon, I probably wouldn’t be as unsatisfied with my microwavable Lean Cuisine Spa Meal – should I just, whatever I do, not eat at fine restaurants?

This paragraph illuminates the typical mindset of a career oriented woman who is more combative than helpful towards men.

You are apparently are always comparing every experience you have to the ultimate one you have had in your life, and finding the present to be lacking in many cases!  Just as many career women look at all those ‘loser men’ they encounter and find them lacking when compared to an idealised image of a man or that once in a lifetime experience.

I don’t sit here at my desk, drinking my Aquafina and think “Y’know, this just isn’t as good as the water I had at the cafe’ in Nice…”.  I enjoy the present, and I am grateful for it.

Gratitude…another quality that many career women lack.

08-25-2006 05:48 PM

Re: This Career Woman’s Rebuttal
PsyGuy
Contributor
PsyGuy

Annie –

Well said.  I’m uncertain why people are having a hard time understanding why you might be slightly peeved by Noer’s arguments… I guess it’s unwomanly to respond in such a confident, reasonable fashion.  Fascinating.

PsyGuy

08-25-2006 07:23 PM

Re: This Career Woman’s Rebuttal
khankrumthebulg
Regular Contributor
khankrumthebulg
With the current state of our culture the legal and financial penalties in Divorce. Men must adopt Mitigation strategies. It has gotten so bad many High achieving Highly paid Men plan for their Divorce before they get married. And Judges routinely void Prenups when Children are involved. It has gotten so bad that it is now referred to as “Cashing out” on their Husbands.

Ladies I have a simple question? If you want to be equal, demand that Child Support be removed from Divorce. Demand that there be no Alimony or Spousal Maintenance. If you remove the financial incentives to Divorce Men may come back to the table. If you truly believe in Love, want a stable relationship stop Subsidizing Divorce!! End the subsidies of Divorce to Women and Divorce will plummet. If you don’t get half of his money or assets you have no incentive to leave. Now the shoe is on the other foot. Still willing to tie the Knot??

09-19-2006 08:35 PM

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