I became the ‘Career Women’ because…….


Reader Response to “Don’t Marry Career Women” – I became the ‘Career Women’ because…….

I became the ‘Career Women’ because…….
Atowngal
Visitor
Atowngal

I became the ‘Career Women’ because when growing up I heard story after story, from my parents, neighborhood and friends where later in life a husband divorced his stay at home wife for another woman found at work. The stay home mom, college educated or not was caught off guard and was unprepared for the change that was forced in her life. The stories ranged in severity, but usually there was a struggle for money, change in homes, and mom went to work to make ends meet and take care of the children. None of it was easy because most of them hadn’t been in the working world for years.

I decided then at a young age, to never, ever be this women……I do think the responses to this article have been extreme at best. I don’t take issue with the studies sighted by the author, I imagine they’re accurate. I take offense to his generalizations and opening paragraph. I can’t imagine tossing my degree out the window after my parents and I put so much money towards it. I felt it would have been an insult to them.

There have been numerous studies stating that a greater percentage of men cheat than women, but I don’t recall anyone making a blanket statement that we ‘shouldn’t marry them’. I imagine if there was a study of stay at men verses working men, it would be found that working men cheat more.  No offense necessary, simply natural.

Working and managing family life and marriage is difficult, stressful and rewarding. My daughter witnesses my balancing act all the time; it’s a matter of priorities. My floor may move down on my task list for family time, soccer coaching or work deadlines. But, no one is judging me by my floors. I have a successful career, lead a great team of people and enjoy coming home to my family. Over the years when paying bills for the children we’re raising, my husband has always appreciated my matching salary and continues to be proud of my success.

I honestly know more depressed stay at home moms than working moms. Most have lost themselves between the kids and the house. Well, off to scrub my floors now.

08-27-2006 12:12 PM

Re: I became the ‘Career Women’ because…….
porkchops38
Regular Contributor
porkchops38
“I became the ‘Career Women’ because when growing up I heard story after story, from my parents, neighborhood and friends where later in life a husband divorced his stay at home wife for another woman found at work.”

In other words, you ignorantly presumed that all men treat SAHM’s the same way. We only get one go around in this world, and to build your whole life foundation upon ignorance, seems the height of stupidity, IMHO. My dad never cheated on my mom, or vice versa, so you didn’t grow up in my neighborhood.

08-27-2006 12:43 PM

Re: I became the ‘Career Women’ because…….
Kimmichow
Contributor
Kimmichow

Yay! Smart people!

Finally! Someone that is right i made a post about that thing and this man said that me a 13 year old girl should be smacked around… thank god there are smart people around this world!

08-27-2006 12:47 PM

Re: I became the ‘Career Women’ because…….
tomshh
Regular Contributor
tomshh

Please Atowngal, please stop marrying men.

Since we all cheat on you more than women, please don’t marry us.

Men are NOT like women.  We don’t fantasize about our wedding, and our future kids, etc.  Men basically want sex, and then as they age, if they have kids they settle down.

So if you think you are doing men a favor by marrying us, you are wrong, BIG TIME.  Please don’t marry us, please, please.

Oh BTW, you have to be real **bleep** dumb to feel you would be hurt as a SAHM in the USA today.  You would get alimony, the house and child support.  Basically you would get paid to sit on your a** and do nothing all day.

Not a bad gig.

08-27-2006 01:44 PM

Re: I became the ‘Career Women’ because…….
labindenver
Visitor
labindenver

Atown, your story is true for many women.  The divorce rate began to increase before women went back to work in mass numbers.  I think most women of my mom’s generation wanted to graduate high school, maybe go to a trade school to support themselves until they met their future husband, and then have families.  Unfortunately, many of them ended up in a bad situation years later where they had to suddenly support themselves and kids with no current marketable skills.  So, they ended up taking very low-paying jobs, and their standard of living was forever changed.  This had a profound affect on both the boys and girls witnessing it and it shaped the next generation, including all the people on here.

I review all the responses on this board and there seems to be so much anger from both men and women, and that saddens me.  Luckily, I look around my world at least and see a number of happy marriages.  Many of them are second marriages, but I think that speaks for how both men and women are capable of learning and doing things differently the second time around in a way that works for both of them, whatever that looks like, and regardless of what the rest of us think about it.

I do understand some of the anger on this site specifically related to alimony and a bad legal system, especially if was the wife who wanted the divorce.  Of course, the question of why she wanted the divorce is a different topic entirely.  If for example she cheated on him, the men have a right to be angry.  But, if he cheated on her, you can’t blame her for wanting out.  Ironically though, if their wives had kept up a career and earning power, there would be no alimony awarded, so from a purely financial standpoint, you would think they would want their wives to work.

Child support is a completely different story, and I have seen a lot of kids (not women) get screwed over in this arrangement and never maintain the same family standard of living again.  It hardly seems fair that the children should suffer for a divorce their parents wanted.  The best arrangements I have seen lately are ones where there is 50/50 custody and equally shared financial responsibilities.  But again, this is only possible if the wife has maintained her earning potential.

I for one am a career woman that it not exactly thrilled with the current state.  Life is more complicated for us too guys.  While there are many career women who love what they do, are good at, and would never want it to change, I also think there are a fair number of women even in our modern society who would very much like to be a SAHM.  But, that assumes that they meet the right person to create that situation, where both persons respect the job and contribution to the partnership of the other.  I place far more weight on the words of the men who have posted on this site that have stated they are married to a SAHM whom they love, respect, and treat well.  That gives women out their hope.  The rantings of angry men who seemingly hate and belittle women while at the same time say stay at home and take care of me and our kids don’t offer a compelling reason to any woman to do so.  If anything, it makes us want to run even further in the other direction and take control of our own destiny.

08-27-2006 02:16 PM

Re: I became the ‘Career Women’ because…….
porkchops38
Regular Contributor
porkchops38
“Many of them are second marriages, but I think that speaks for how both men and women are capable of learning and doing things differently the second time around in a way that works for both of them, whatever that looks like, and regardless of what the rest of us think about it.”

Right now the divorce rate for marriages that involve one or more spouse(s) who were previously married, is about 80%. So, what this 80% statistic speaks to is that if you are divorced and marry again you have a 80% chance of getting divorced again. What this also speaks, is that women who use a snippet of their own little world as the basis for their conclusions about the rest of the world — such are clueless ignorami.

08-27-2006 02:28 PM

Re: I became the ‘Career Women’ because…….
labindenver
Visitor
labindenver

Clueless hardly, porkchop.  Statistics are great and the one you cited I agree is alarming. I was simply stating a few REAL LIFE examples, which can hardly be discounted.  I did not in any way make a broader implication that these real life examples should be representative of America at large. Jumping on the defensive a bit, aren’t you? Oh that’s right, I am a woman. Therefore I guess I am not “entitled” to post my own thoughts and opinions as you do. I hope you don’t talk to your mother this way.

08-27-2006 03:53 PM

Re: I became the ‘Career Women’ because…….
earthlaughs
Contributor
earthlaughs
“I honestly know more depressed stay at home moms than working moms. Most have lost themselves between the kids and the house. Well, off to scrub my floors now.”

===

I’d agree that’s probably true. When I took early retirement, I found myself slipping into lowered self-image and a kind of low everything. I finally realized that I got a lot more appreciation and rewards in the workplace than at home. We at least get a paycheck, when working, if not other forms of acknowledgement and appreciation, while at home the family seems to take one for granted.

I wonder, if Michael Noer finds this perfect “girl” he’s looking for, whether he’ll be sufficiently appreciative of her to keep her from sinking into low self-esteem and depression. Of course part of that is on her, as well, to find a source of self-appreciation and confidence from staying at home, or doing volunteer work, or whatever she “does” while not waiting on him and their kids hand and foot.

Just a thought.

08-27-2006 07:19 PM

Re: I became the ‘Career Women’ because…….
earthlaughs
Contributor
earthlaughs

Child support is a completely different story, and I have seen a lot of kids (not women) get screwed over in this arrangement and never maintain the same family standard of living again. It hardly seems fair that the children should suffer for a divorce their parents wanted. The best arrangements I have seen lately are ones where there is 50/50 custody and equally shared financial responsibilities. But again, this is only possible if the wife has maintained her earning potential.

Great point, and I wish more people would consider this before they ever have children. Not only, can I support a child, but also, can I support a child if I wind up a single parent? (Which can happen to a man or a woman.) It’s bad enough for the kids that they don’t have two loving parents present every day.

I’d also like to see the courts more supportive and encouraging of the equally shared custody/equal financial support scenario.

But this does require that every stay-at-home parent, male or female, keep up-to-date skills and knowledge that would enable self-support as well as child support if the marriage ended, either through death or divorce.

08-27-2006 07:30 PM

Re: I became the ‘Career Women’ because…….
porkchops38
Regular Contributor
porkchops38

labindenver wrote:
Clueless hardly, porkchop.  Statistics are great and the one you cited I agree is alarming. I was simply stating a few REAL LIFE examples, which can hardly be discounted.  I did not in any way make a broader implication that these real life examples should be representative of America at large. Jumping on the defensive a bit, aren’t you? Oh that’s right, I am a woman. Therefore I guess I am not “entitled” to post my own thoughts and opinions as you do. I hope you don’t talk to your mother this way.

Cupcake, I call ’em as I see ’em. If you NOW claim that you didn’t mean to project what happens in your own little world unto the whole world, then you should have stated such in your first writing, because anyone familiar with the english langauge would have concluded exactly what I have — that you wrongly believed that since so many “happy marriages” you see in your little world are 2nd marriages, that means people learn to do things differently the 2nd time around as you stated. I proved you’re wrong all the way around with statistics, becauase no matter what you claim NOW, the fact is that if what happens in your little world does not resemble the statistics of the whole, then your little world is what is called in the english language an “anomaly”. Next week maybe we can learn a new english word together, I can’t wait.

08-27-2006 08:33 PM

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