Neither opinion seems to address what really makes marriage work

Reader Response to “Don’t Marry Career Women” – Neither opinion seems to address what really makes marriage work

Neither opinion seems to address what really makes marriage work
That is, compassion, cooperation, and responsibility — for all aspects of life, both in the career and at home. Sharing and competition seldom go well together, and let’s face it, nothing stirs up a competitive spirit like working out in the world, especially in a career rather than just a job.

But at home, in a relationship, and especially, God-help-us, in raising children, those first three I mentioned are much more important and even mutually exclusive of competitiveness. Career focus tends to be ultra-self-centered. Even networking and business relationships tend to be more about what the other can do for you than genuinely altruistic or compassionate.

So, for me, the answer is getting your head out of your career for a little while each day and try being a human being. It’s not all about money or getting ahead. Being a couple or a family is about unconditional love. It shouldn’t matter who has a career, who makes more money, or who works longer hours. If both people want to make their relationship work, they will.

It wouldn’t hurt to exhibit a little more compassion and humanity in the business world as well, once in a while.

By the way, I resent Michael Noer’s definition of a “career girl” as having a university education (or as being a girl, for that matter). I didn’t have a degree, and I made a career for myself. There are lots of people with careers and no formal degrees. Level of formal education doesn’t define one’s intelligence, focus, dedication, or ambition.

08-27-2006 06:34 PM

Re: Neither opinion seems to address what really makes marriage work

The problem I have with don’t marry a career woman, is that if your looking to marry one shouldn’t be looking for a career woman or man, but one who will make a good spouse and parent. Being able to keep a job is part of that, even if you become a stay at home parent. If I hire someone I’m not looking for a family man or woman, but a good career man or woman. I’d hope they’d be a good family man or woman if they have a family. That person is less likely to bring problems with her/hisself to work. A spouse my be a career person, but that person will also have the hat of a married and parent (if after having a child.)

Both will have to balance work time with family time, even the stay at home parent works. If you can reconcile your scedule, values, and parenting style, then go for the wedding. Once that is done, never stop reconciling those things, circumstances change. And always be planning and reconnecting.

08-28-2006 12:26 PM

Well said…

I don’t think whether or not someone has a career is the most important factor, to the extent it is a factor, in marital happiness and stability.  It is other factors such as communication, compassion and selflessness, that you can’t tell just by someone’s “bio”.

It has been really interesting reading all these posts.  You would think that money and career were the most important things in a marriage, when in fact they are probably the least important.

08-28-2006 02:42 PM

Click on the board or message subject at the top to return.

%d bloggers like this: