The real problem…


Reader Response to “Don’t Marry Career Women” – The real problem…

The real problem…
bigsigh
Regular Visitor
bigsigh
Once you get married, it’s not just about what you want anymore. It’s about what is good for you AND your husband. Marriage is about compromise and selfish people should never get married. Once you have kids, it becomes not what you and your husband want BUT, what is good for the kids. Selfish couples should never have kids. If it is better for the family that one parent stays home (and it doesn’t always have to be the mom) then that sacrafice has to be made. Kids have no control over what happens in thier lives and deserve the best that thier parents can offer them. If you and your husband are not ready to make certain sacrafices, then you should not have children.

I really and truly believe that selfishness is one of the biggest problems in marriage and one of the biggest reasons why more marriages end in divorce. No longer are we teaching our children to have servants hearts, to serve other people without expecting anything in return. Our children have become consumers who only think about me me me, I I I. Children need to learn that volunteering is important, that helping others is important and they need to learn that the best reward is not money or even a thank you, but the knowledge that you helped someone, even if they didn’t ask or expect it. If we bring them back to this way of thinking, I really believe that you would see divorce rates decrease as this generation gets older and starts to marry.

So again, it’s not about wether you marry someone who has a career, but about the fact that people have unreal expectations of marriage. They don’t fully understand and comprehend what they are getting into so at the first signs of trouble, they take the east way out (divorce). Both husband and wife having a career is doable and can be successful. See my other posts for examples.

08-26-2006 06:12 PM

Re: The real problem…
mediaman
Contributor
mediaman
Great post. The “Entitlement Mentality” kills more marriages than most anything else IMHO.

08-26-2006 06:45 PM

Re: The real problem…
careerwifemom
Visitor
careerwifemom

bigsigh – (applause!)  you nailed it!  We are a two career family which is successfully raising children that are very involved with their community & volunteering. We started our volunteering at very young ages, making it simply a way of life in our household.

I may catch some flack for this comment, but I have met some (not all, but more than I would expect) children from ‘traditional’ families, are more self centered, even spoiled, then children from two career families ………our children in our house are EXPECTED to help out others, carry groceries for an elderly person, hold a door for a lady, serve at the church suppers………. not always the case in some of the children I have witnessed first hand in traditional families……………

Keep it all in perspective.  If you marry and expect to have children, plan on how time will be spent, and keep the moral values high………you will raise children who will become adults that will appreciate and respect their spouse. They will go to the ends of the earth for their families and raise their own with the same values………. with those values they will take the commitment of marriage VERY seriously and wouldn’t think of bailing unless it was extraordinary circumstances!

Again, good for you bigsigh…………….well said!

08-26-2006 07:05 PM

Re: The real problem…
AnnG
Contributor
AnnG

At last, a thread with some intelligent discussion!

Careerwifemom:  “………our children in our house are EXPECTED to help out others, carry groceries for an elderly person, hold a door for a lady, serve at the church suppers………. ”

Good for you!  No flack from me!  Of course, since I don’t have, and never really wanted, children, some will dismiss my opinions on childraising as the clueless rantings of a “selfish” feminist.  I don’t claim any expertise.  Still, when I look at kids today, I think we as a society may have gone a bit too far with the idea of “children first!”  Whatever happened to teaching manners, or respect for elders?  Or, self-control, for that matter?

My nephew’s kids are indulged to the point of ridiculousness.  They run the house.  They turn up their noses at lunch, then scream that they’re hungry when we get in the car to go somewhere.  The parents then stop at McDonalds, and buy them Chicken McNuggets.  They eat one or two pieces, and the rest goes in the garbage.  An hour later, they scream for something else, and generally, they get it.

Folks, I’m not advocating throwing the kids in the closet and giving them bread and water.  But, let’s face it, they aren’t going to die of malnutrition if they miss a meal.  “Oh, Johnnie, I’m sorry you don’t like your sandwich, but that’s what’s for lunch today.  You don’t have to eat it if you don’t want to, but remember, there won’t be anything else until dinner, so you might get pretty hungry.”  Try that for a few days, and the screaming will stop, trust me.  I know I said I have no expertise, but that’s what my mom did with my nephews!  Too bad they didn’t remember when they grew up.

08-26-2006 09:28 PM

Re: The real problem…
IWentThere
Contributor
IWentThere

Very insightful and intelligent post, bigsigh.

I agree with you that many people today are very selfish and tend to think they can, indeed, have it all.

If my fiance and I decide to have a child later down the road, I will be the one staying home, (as a writer, this is what I do anyway, so it’s the natural choice).

I also agree with you AnnG, children today are indulged to the point that I literally dread being around them.  When I was a child I had to do chores, was resposible for my actions and belongings, and if I didn’t like what was put on the table, I either ate it or went hungry.  If I have a child, I will be enforcing these rules as well.

08-26-2006 09:38 PM

Re: The real problem…
AnnG
Contributor
AnnG

And isn’t that the point, to raise kids to be responsible adults?  Not just to be the center of their parents’ world.  Kids should have self-esteem, but it should be realistic.  False praise is worthless and only confuses them.  They should feel proud of their real accomplishments — so give them some TASKS to do, and let them achieve!  And if they fail, they fail.  That’s okay, too.  They have to learn to deal with failure eventually.

Love and praise are not the same thing.  One should be automatic and unconditional.  The other should not.

08-26-2006 10:00 PM

Re: The real problem…
C2shiningC
Contributor
C2shiningC

Great post! Finally some meaningful dialog and not the ridiculous banter on the other posts.

08-27-2006 12:52 AM

Re: The real problem…
ajosselyn
Contributor
ajosselyn

Thank You!!! After reading some of the other posts I was near tears at the thought that me continuing work would destroy any children I might have. I am a stb bride that has a career and everyone else said “sacrafice”. I dont think they are wrong or you are absolutely right, but I am glad to see a real discussion on this matter! This whole topic interested me b/c of this.  Thanks again!

08-27-2006 05:17 AM

Re: The real problem…
careerwifemom
Visitor
careerwifemom

stb bride……….. be rest assured, if you put your heart and soul into raising your children & choose a great spouse……….you’ll be a success in your career, marriage and most importantly you kids!

I was thrilled to see this conversation going in a reasonable direction…….I believe the minority is represented in many of the male posts……….I sure don’t run across this many narrow minded men………..

08-27-2006 05:08 PM

Re: The real problem…
ajosselyn
Contributor
ajosselyn

Thanks again!!! And I hope I have, will, and most of all love every minute of it!

08-28-2006 01:21 AM

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