It Takes Two, Baby!


Reader Response to “Don’t Marry Career Women” – It Takes Two, Baby!

It Takes Two, Baby!
sburda
Visitor
sburda
“We are a Google nation. Type in a few words on any subject and a staggering amount of information hurls forth in two seconds flat. In fact, if it’s longer than two seconds, you call your computer a mother **bleep**er and stab at the ENTER key. A mere 10 years ago, if you wanted to research something you went to a library. You opened the unwieldy card catalog, deciphered the geekishly long code, and walked a quarter-mile into the stacks to locate a specific book, and somewhere in that book was the little piece of information you needed. Now the only reason to go into the stacks is to have sex. We are a speed-obsessed culture. When the newer, faster, smaller model comes along, we toss the old one without hesitation. We cream our jeans when we read about a quarter inch-thin laptop with dual processors and 10 hours of battery power. We go to the store and there’s a waiting list. And in THAT instant the decision is made: WE WILL GET THE LAPTOP. And we do. We show it off to our friends. And for the first week we even wash our hands before we use it, to keep the keyboard clean. But in a month we’ll be used to it. In six month, it will seem slow. We won’t care when we drip Cream of Wheat onto the keyboard, causing a short. In a year, we won’t carry it on the plane anymore because it will be embarrassingly obsolete.

So imagine trying to have a relationship in this environment. And by that I am referring to the arcane concept of the long-term relationship. A marriage even. Imagine living in this culture and not walking out the door at the first sign of trouble. The second you hear “We need to talk” or “I’ve been thinking” you hit the DELETE key. Successful, long-term relationships take two things that we, as a culture, have mysteriously become programmed to avoid: hard work and persistence. We want our relationships to be great, and great all the time. On their own. Work-free partnered bliss. As soon as issues occur we think, “This one’s not right for me.” OR, “We’re growing apart.” Of course the world is filled with psychos, and sometimes they are attractive and we end up with one, which is a pity. And in this case, leaving is a very good thing. But most often we are just coupled with another normal person and experiencing normal problems, and leaving is the easiest idea, not necessarily the best one.

When people say “Relationships take work,” they mean it. In a relationship, I find myself talking about things I would rather avoid, having to face weaknesses of my own character head-on, sometimes at two in the morning. COMPROMISE is another word that is bandied about, but what does it mean? It means: if I really like to spend my night at home, reading quietly, and he really wants to spend his time traveling (or out), it becomes important to me, and off we go. I bring a book.

Here’s something else. There’s always going to be somebody better-looking than the person you end up with. Somebody funnier, smarter, richer. But if you’re fortunate to meet somebody with whom you are compatible, you have to close certain doors. You have to recognize that, yes, you may indeed meet other people you could fall in love with. But by sticking with the person YOU chose, you gain a level of intimacy that is not possible by hopping from one person to the next every couple of years. And there is a payoff, you see. When you’re old and pitiful and you need to be pushed around in your wheelchair, you’ll have someone to do that for you. And the will probably be happy to do it. They might even attach playing cards to the spokes so that your chair makes a nifty sound. Even if you suddenly lose your money, and you’re significantly uglier, they will continue to push you around in your wheelchair because you have spent all these years weaving this sort of fabric together.

I take marriage very seriously. Even though as a homosexual living in sin, I am not allowed to be married and will most certainly be cleaning Satan’s toilet for all of eternity in hell, just because I happen to share my life with somebody who pees standing up. Even so, I do take marriage more seriously than I take anything else. And I honor the institution, and respect it. And I think that if you make it work, you ought to make it work.

So though I’d like my water to boil fast, and think the computer I bought nine months ago is painfully slow, and will be delivered to a landfill where they can infect the environment, in my relationship I’m willing to sacrifice speed for quality.

Don’t believe me? Google it.

— Posted by Steven Burda … found on Google
http://www.linkedin.com/in/burda

-Steven Burda

steven.burda.mba @gmail.com | http://www.linkedin.com/in/burda

08-28-2006 07:39 PM

Re: It Takes Two, Baby!
Cassius
Regular Contributor
Cassius
No in marriage the risk rests soley with the men so it does not take 2 thats why the thouhgt of gettin married enrages us. A woman can choose to be a partner or to be selfish in marriage if a man chooses to be selfish he gets @ss raped in divorce court. So it takes only one in a marriage the man to do whatever the wife demands.

08-28-2006 08:06 PM

Re: It Takes Two, Baby!
Marta2003
Regular Contributor
Marta2003

If I do say so myself, that Steve Burda person is quite the cutey.   But he doesn’t make more than me.  Ooops, guess I couldn’t possibly ever consider him, despite his lovely prose, maturity beyond his years, or clarity of thought.

Actually, the only thing stopping me from opening a MySpace account and flirting with him is that I’m not available.  For shame.  For me at least.  I’m sure he’ll meet a lovely woman someday and they’ll be as happy as two peas in a pod together.

Message Edited by Marta2003 on 08-28-2006 08:11 PM

08-28-2006 08:09 PM

Re: It Takes Two, Baby!
MartianBachelor
Regular Contributor
MartianBachelor
The American Protestant work ethic as applied to relationships is fairly well skewered in Laura Kipnis’s book “Against Love: A Polemic” (it’s really coupledom she’s against), not that I’d make it a high priority book – I think I gave it 2 out of 5 stars at amazon.

But maybe turning relationships into work is the tradeof for having done away with rigid roles (well, for women at least) which at least had the advantage that one didn’t have to think so much about every little aspect of things. There was a certain advantage to the division of labor inherent in the roles: each person just did their part.

I don’t take marriage seriously because it’s little more than notorized dating when it really comes down to it.

______________________________________________
“The loudest, most strident voices calling women weak, stupid, and incapable of competing in the world at large are the feminists.” – zed the zen priest

08-28-2006 10:28 PM

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