a question re online personals


Reader Response to “Don’t Marry Career Women” – a question re online personals

a question re online personals
Isis
Contributor
Isis
I do have one question for the men on this board.

I participate in match.com, and so many men lie. They lie about their height, their body type, their income, their age.

When I find this out, I am terribly disappointed. I hate being lied to.

I am honest about my height, body type, income and age. And while this means I get almost no responses, at least I won’t have to worry about what will happen when the men I am dating find out.

Why do so many men (and I guess women) lie in online personals?

08-29-2006 06:07 PM

Re: a question re online personals
zacharias
Regular Contributor
zacharias
“Why do so many men (and I guess women) lie in online personals?”

My guess would be because they have such fear of rejection.

08-29-2006 06:12 PM

Re: a question re online personals
Doc_Savage
Regular Contributor
Doc_Savage

Isis wrote:

I do have one question for the men on this board.

[snip]

Why do so many men (and I guess women) lie in online personals?

Just a guess (because I’ve never placed an online ad), but I would say that there are lots of desperate and lonely people out there.

And that’s despite the fact you see men on this site saying they dont need women and women saying they dont need men.

08-29-2006 06:23 PM

Re: a question re online personals
3rdworldwm
Regular Contributor
3rdworldwm

In case you missed it, here is my reply to you in another thread. And here is another question: Do you want your “hypothetical” wife to be the role model of your “hypothetical” daughter in case you ever decided to have a family after you finally get over the fear of turning to you father?

Thanks Doc_ Savage for your serious reply, truly appreciated. You see, I have a daughter, and she is the most important thing in my life. I want her to be happy and live a life which gives her the opportunities to fulfill her dreams and passions as I would want for a son. I don’t want her to have to make the choices between to be loved and having a family or to pursuing with her dream to be a rocket scientist.

Here is my personal story. I married this man for 8 years. I stayed home for 5 years to have and raise the baby and get myself a graduate degree at the same time. I started my career when my daughter was almost 5. I did all the household work including cooking, cleaning, shopping, ironing all his cloth, and taking care my daughter while working. Yes, it is difficult, but I managed, because it is what I wanted. He cheated on me…I forgave him, and he did it again. I left, with only $2000.00 in my bank account and my daughter (I told him if he wouldn’t fight the custody of my daughter with me then he could have all the marital assess). I am glad I have a career, so I can leave with dignity. Later I found out he had cheated in his first marriage and his first wife died of depression and pain killer over dose – she was a stay home wife.

As far as women were treated better and have privilege in work place – I was forced to leave my job because I am a woman in construction business which my boss didn’t think I belong to; and I refused to go to a project that required me leaving my daughter behind. Luckily, I found a better one.

My point is, it is wrong to conclude that career women make bad wives and bad mothers – it is the characters within the women make the difference. Same apply to men. I don’t conclude all men are cheaters just because my experience and men shouldn’t do the same to career women.

08-29-2006 06:31 PM

Re: a question re online personals
MartianBachelor
Regular Contributor
MartianBachelor

Isis wrote:…Why do so many men (and I guess women) lie in online personals?

It’s a no-brainer:
“It would only be fair to admit that men sometimes sculpture the truth to get women into bed. But then they have to, because they know what women want. Men are conscripted players in a game whose rules have been engineered by the female mind, and the playbook decrees that honesty will guarantee sure rejection. . .This is a program which females themselves have created and which they continue to promote. Then, with their usual circular thinking, they blame men for their obedience.”
– Matthew Fitzgerald

______________________________________________
“The loudest, most strident voices calling women weak, stupid, and incapable of competing in the world at large are the feminists.” – zed the zen priest

08-29-2006 06:42 PM

Re: a question re online personals
Isis
Contributor
Isis
well, I guess I really am some kind of freak.

I don’t like being lied to. I would prefer a man who was honest about earning less money, than a man who lied about having more money. With me, honesty doesn’t guarantee sure rejection. Dishonesty does.

I have no idea what this means.

08-29-2006 07:09 PM

Re: a question re online personals
paully
Contributor
paully

Most women wouldn’t give the online ad the time of day if it read 30K salary and 5’5” and “more to love”.  When I’m bored at work I tend to find myself reading alot of personal ads on craigslist especially the ones that read BBW (Big Beautiful Women)  They have a laundry list of demands such as athletic, 6’2″, house, car etc…

So, in the online dating pool you have overweight women asking for brad pitt slim women asking for brad pitt poor women asking for brad pitt and rich women asking for brad pitt.  Sucks to be you if your not brad pitt.

08-29-2006 07:34 PM

Re: a question re online personals
Isis
Contributor
Isis

paully wrote:

Most women wouldn’t give the online ad the time of day if it read 30K salary and 5’5” and “more to love”.  When I’m bored at work I tend to find myself reading alot of personal ads on craigslist especially the ones that read BBW (Big Beautiful Women)  They have a laundry list of demands such as athletic, 6’2″, house, car etc…

So, in the online dating pool you have overweight women asking for brad pitt slim women asking for brad pitt poor women asking for brad pitt and rich women asking for brad pitt.  Sucks to be you if your not brad pitt.

I haven’t spent alot of time on Craig’s List, but I wonder if every single bbw woman is looking for Brad Pitt. Isn’t it possible that you saw this a few times, and are extrapolating that every single woman wants Brad Pitt?

Using your methodology, I could argue that every single man wants Angelina Jolie. Sometimes it feels that way. I try not to believe this.

08-29-2006 07:45 PM

Re: a question re online personals
Doc_Savage
Regular Contributor
Doc_Savage

3rdworldwm wrote:

In case you missed it, here is my reply to you in another thread.

Yes, sorry I missed it because of the volume of new posts that have been appearing. Plus I cant seem to remember which threads I’ve been posting to
(duhh).

Not only that but I’ve been flitting backwards and forwards between work and home using different PC’s to post.

I did read your post and I sympathise and agree with a lot of what you say.

See my post in “Question for the men” a few threads down for a better explanation of where I stand (post 13).

Anyway, It’s bedtime for me and I will try to respond in detail tomorrow.

Message Edited by Doc_Savage on 08-29-2006 07:47 PM

08-29-2006 07:45 PM

Re: a question re online personals
moneyneversleep
Regular Contributor
moneyneversleep

You will find that most women lie about:  age, weight, height, shaven vs. unshaven (furry vs. brazilian), whether they have children, how many times they have been divorced, what their debt is (credit cards, etc.), whether they have STD’s, etc..    Men will lie to get laid, women will lie to get married or find another victim to pay for the mistakes they made.

08-29-2006 08:01 PM

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Reader Response to “Don’t Marry Career Women” – a question re online personals

Re: a question re online personals
Isis
Contributor
Isis
so… everyone’s lying.

and everyone expects everyone to lie.

that is horribly horribly depressing.

no wonder i am lousy at this game.

08-29-2006 08:05 PM

Re: a question re online personals
moneyneversleep
Regular Contributor
moneyneversleep

I don’t believe in or ever have used online dating.  When I met my current girlfriend (mind you I have been with her for nearly 5 years) I was direct, honest and did not care whether she liked me or not and met in social setting where neither of us knew each other.  I found her very beautiful but was confident enough to know that meeting women is similar to a baseball slugging percentage or basketball field goal percentage.  You will have hits and misses.  I walked up to her, asked her if she had a boyfriend (personally, if a woman says she does I prefer to move on as I never sh*t in another mans backyard, regardless of whether I know him or not, it is a matter of personal respect), she said “no” and I asked her to for the a drink the following week.  She agreed and the rest took care of itself.  Personally, I’d rather start off telling them exactly why I am interested in them.  You will find it easier to evaluate people on an interpersonal basis in an environment you are comfortable rather than relying or using online dating which, quite frankly, is a losers game frequented by fat women, loser guys, stalkers of all sorts, etc.  When you see someone face 2 face it is much more difficult to conceal the truth.  Online dating or personals is such a sh*t show, I can’t believe how ludicrous it is and that people actually do it.  I equate it with the 2 divorced harpies who wrote “The Rules”.  More bs.  Try the direct approach.   You will find most men appreciate it when you eliminate the game playing.

08-29-2006 08:19 PM

Re: a question re online personals
Isis
Contributor
Isis
ah, I think I qualify as a “fat woman” and am therefore not deserving of someone asking me out. Thus the online personals.

08-29-2006 08:31 PM

Re: a question re online personals
moneyneversleep
Regular Contributor
moneyneversleep

Different strokes for different folks.  You only don’t deserve it if you feel you don’t.  It is a state of mind.  Plus, your current condition is changeable.

08-29-2006 08:37 PM

Re: a question re online personals
paully
Contributor
paully

Yes, Isis not all.  I’m sure there are a few exceptions to the rule however i have yet to come across a bbw ad that doesn’t have “package” requirements.  My methodology isn’t scientific at all it’s my own personal observations.
I suppose that if women wont give men the time of day without smudging the truth about income and height, then why is it a surprise that men lie? Are you more apt to respond or approach a 6’2” 100K ad?  Why so vain?

08-29-2006 08:42 PM

Re: a question re online personals
Isis
Contributor
Isis
um, I was being ironic. Of course I believe that I deserve to be asked out. It’s just that I have found that most men are looking for someone who looks like a Cosmo cover model.

and, it seems from the postings here, when the cosmo cover models hurt them, the men get very angry and vitriolic.

as for the change-able-ness: well this is something I work on every single day.

08-29-2006 08:45 PM

Re: a question re online personals
moneyneversleep
Regular Contributor
moneyneversleep

Typically, and this is typical, the beauty of a woman is directly coorelated to the income of the man.  It is evolution in application.  Deviations do occur, but not often.

08-29-2006 08:47 PM

Re: a question re online personals
Isis
Contributor
Isis

moneyneversleep wrote:
Typically, and this is typical, the beauty of a woman is directly coorelated to the income of the man.  It is evolution in application.  Deviations do occur, but not often.

So then, perhaps the causality of the original article is backwards? If we assume that many “career women” do not meet attractiveness standards?

Perhaps it is not that men shouldn’t marry “career women”. Perhaps what is really going on is that less than perfect women know that it will be hard to find someone to support them (and presumably, their children) so they pursue lucrative careers.

just a thought.

08-29-2006 08:52 PM

Re: a question re online personals
3rdworldwm
Regular Contributor
3rdworldwm

Isis,

That is totally not true. I personally know lots of attractive career women and they choose to have a career because they have passion for it – as for me, I always want to build, bridges and skyscrapers and that’s why I am in construction business.

Also, I believe all women are beautiful, if they take good care of themselves. So, go to the gym, take yoga classes, have your hair, nail done – not for any men but do it for yourself. Remember, you have to love yourself before you can love others. Man cant make you happy, you do, you are responsible for your own happiness.

Please don’t tell me you don’t have time go to the gym. I am a single mother and I go to gym 4 times a week at least – and most of all, I am happy, with or without men.

08-29-2006 09:22 PM

Re: a question re online personals
Isis
Contributor
Isis
to 3rdworldwm, you are right on. I was just posting that to follow the guy’s point to its logical conclusion.

And I agree with you wholeheartedly that exercise and selfcare are wonderful for the self, which is why I do them.

And good on you working in construction! I work for an organization that renovates buildings and makes of them housing for low-income people, so I agree with you wholeheartedly that construction is a wonderful field. And one of our construction managers is a smart, attractive and wonderful woman.

I posted in another thread that I found a man that I loved a great deal, and who loved me, and whom I wanted to marry. However, he passed away (three years ago this week, in fact.)

I miss him alot, and wonder if I will ever meet anyone as wonderful as him. Why I am hanging around in this board, which has seemed to attract some very vitriolic men, is beyond me.

08-29-2006 10:12 PM

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Reader Response to “Don’t Marry Career Women” – a question re online personals

Re: a question re online personals
3rdworldwm
Regular Contributor
3rdworldwm

“See my post in “Question for the men” a few threads down for a better explanation of where I stand (post 13).”

Read that thread and what you said was reasonable. You asked why we career women are upset towards the original article – I cant represent all career women, but this is why I am upset.

Because I am labeled as a “bad mother”/”bad wife” automatically for being a career woman. My daughter is my highest virtue and I sacrificed (I should not use this word because I did it gladly) tremendously for her and I will fight anyone who tries to take away her dreams and opportunities, It is not just about men’s choice of wives, it is about the whole American is moving backwards. That’s why we are upset.

08-29-2006 10:46 PM

Re: a question re online personals
3rdworldwm
Regular Contributor
3rdworldwm

Isis,

I am so sorry for your loss. Yes, there are lots of men not like the ones in this board; actually I only met very few men in real life thinking this way. I am sure you will run into one that loves you for who you are someday, don’t worry and enjoy being single as for right now.

Yes, I also am a construction project manager.

08-29-2006 10:52 PM

Re: a question re online personals
moneyneversleep
Regular Contributor
moneyneversleep

Single mother, career woman.  That is kryptonite to most intelligent men.  Your children are being raised in daycare and by surrogates.  Of course you are aware the future felons of America are the spawn of single mothers.  You are obviously self-absorbed and probably not attractive.  Idiot.

08-30-2006 10:55 AM

Re: a question re online personals
3rdworldwm
Regular Contributor
3rdworldwm

3rdworldwm

I am really hating to disappoint you. But the fact is, I have men from 21 to 61 want to date me and marry me. If you did not read my previous post, I took 5 years off to raise my daughter and she is the most beautiful, intelligent, well mannered girl you would ever meet. She has straight A’s 3 years in middle school. She is also playing in marching band and made the high school volley ball team and I am intent to adjust my working schedule to suit her needs. Further more, my resent date voted me the best cook in my town and my house is always spotless.

As if I am attractive or not, there is a picture above you can see yourself.

Message Edited by 3rdworldwm on 08-30-2006 11:36 AM

Message Edited by 3rdworldwm on 08-30-2006 11:40 AM

08-30-2006 11:33 AM

Re: a question re online personals
moneyneversleep
Regular Contributor
moneyneversleep

You are a little thick around the middle for my taste and your face is not attractive enough.  Sorry, but single mothers are kryptonite to smart men.  You may have found more than a few dumb ones.  The younger guys will bed you, but inherently know that you are older and there is no future.  Older women are just a temporary toy for younger men.  The old guys, well they are just stupid.  If you are getting around that much are you sure you are not a trollop?  Statistically, single mothers are raising the future felons and career criminals.  You may be an exception, don’t count on it.

08-30-2006 11:54 AM

Re: a question re online personals
Isis
Contributor
Isis

moneyneversleep wrote:
You are a little thick around the middle for my taste and your face is not attractive enough.  Sorry, but single mothers are kryptonite to smart men.  You may have found more than a few dumb ones.  The younger guys will bed you, but inherently know that you are older and there is no future.  Older women are just a temporary toy for younger men.  The old guys, well they are just stupid.  If you are getting around that much are you sure you are not a trollop?  Statistically, single mothers are raising the future felons and career criminals.  You may be an exception, don’t count on it.

It completely flummoxes me that someone would be so willing to say such ugly things to someone he doesn’t even know.

3rdworldwm has been polite and thoughtful in all of her responses. Why would you say such horrible things?

Thank God for Feminism, that women can earn their own way, and don’t have to worry about being economically tied to such vindictive, hateful people.

08-30-2006 02:04 PM

Re: a question re online personals
3rdworldwm
Regular Contributor
3rdworldwm

Thanks Isis. But don’t worry. I will not be upset by the low comments like that. Now I know what type of men are against career women, I am actually glad. Because I will be ashamed if I side the same side with them. Have a nice day.

08-30-2006 02:18 PM

Re: a question re online personals
moneyneversleep
Regular Contributor
moneyneversleep

It is statistically a fact that single mothers raising children have a much higher instance of those children being involved in destructive activity and engaging in crime.  The writer is under the impression that being a single mother is a badge of honor and makes her more desirable when she should be focusing on raising the child she ELECTED to have rather than trotting out how desirable she may (or may not) be to other men.  You will find that many of these single mothers also have children from different men.  Now, I don’t know about you but women have over 13 options for birth control, in direct contrast to men.   When a woman elects to have a child when she is unmarried she is taking on a large task which can go very wrong.  I support choice, abortion, adoption, etc.  It is not a badge of honor to be a single mother.  It is a sign of poor planning and execution.  It is a sign of stupidity and not being aware of your options and taking the proper precautions and steps to insure that you don’t have children until you are in the best circumstances to raise them successfully (typically in a 2 parent household).  It is a sign of gross self-absorption and ignoring your responsibilities.  Sorry, no sympathy. She is an idiot.

08-30-2006 02:21 PM

Re: a question re online personals
3rdworldwm
Regular Contributor
3rdworldwm

Since you so quickly make judgment – hope you don’t do it in your business. Here is what I posted in this thread #4. And, I don’t need anyone’s sympathy because I have a happy, meaningful life and bright future.

Thanks Doc_ Savage for your serious reply, truly appreciated. You see, I have a daughter, and she is the most important thing in my life. I want her to be happy and live a life which gives her the opportunities to fulfill her dreams and passions as I would want for a son. I don’t want her to have to make the choices between to be loved and having a family or to pursuing with her dream to be a rocket scientist.

Here is my personal story. I married this man for 8 years. I stayed home for 5 years to have and raise the baby and get myself a graduate degree at the same time. I started my career when my daughter was almost 5. I did all the household work including cooking, cleaning, shopping, ironing all his cloth, and taking care my daughter while working. Yes, it is difficult, but I managed, because it is what I wanted. He cheated on me…I forgave him, and he did it again. I left, with only $2000.00 in my bank account and my daughter (I told him if he wouldn’t fight the custody of my daughter with me then he could have all the marital assess). I am glad I have a career, so I can leave with dignity. Later I found out he had cheated in his first marriage and his first wife died of depression and pain killer over dose – she was a stay home wife.

As far as women were treated better and have privilege in work place – I was forced to leave my job because I am a woman in construction business which my boss didn’t think I belong to; and I refused to go to a project that required me leaving my daughter behind. Luckily, I found a better one.

My point is, it is wrong to conclude that career women make bad wives and bad mothers – it is the characters within the women make the difference. Same apply to men. I don’t conclude all men are cheaters just because my experience and men shouldn’t do the same to career women.

Message Edited by 3rdworldwm on 08-30-2006 02:32 PM

08-30-2006 02:29 PM

Re: a question re online personals
moneyneversleep
Regular Contributor
moneyneversleep

Your situation is the exception, not the rule.

08-30-2006 02:30 PM

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Reader Response to “Don’t Marry Career Women” – a question re online personals

Re: a question re online personals
3rdworldwm
Regular Contributor
3rdworldwm

Again you make judgment too quickly. I happen to know lots of single mother have similar stories as mine behind them. Do you know all the stories behind single mother to have that conclusion? God bless your girlfriend, she must be an angel.

Message Edited by 3rdworldwm on 08-30-2006 03:01 PM

08-30-2006 02:52 PM

Re: a question re online personals
moneyneversleep
Regular Contributor
moneyneversleep

Most single mothers are that way by choice, and did not marry.

08-30-2006 02:56 PM

Re: a question re online personals
Isis
Contributor
Isis

moneyneversleep wrote:
Most single mothers are that way by choice, and did not marry.

I have no idea if this is true or not. However, even if it is true, why does it give you license to assume it is true for every single mother you encounter? Why does it give you license to make unproductive and stupid conclusions about them and to behave in a childish and vituperative manner?

This all says alot more about you than it does about 3rdwldwm, or single mothers.

08-30-2006 03:05 PM

Re: a question re online personals
moneyneversleep
Regular Contributor
moneyneversleep

A smart man does not marry single mothers.  He does not marry someone else’s problems.  No, it says a lot about your attitude which does not hold women accountable for their decision and choices in life.

08-30-2006 03:19 PM

Re: a question re online personals
3rdworldwm
Regular Contributor
3rdworldwm

Isis, go and read some of the best the posts in “Ladies, your anger is misdirected” , don’t waste time with him anymore.

08-30-2006 04:46 PM

Re: a question re online personals
zacharias
Regular Contributor
zacharias

Isis wrote:

It completely flummoxes me that someone would be so willing to say such ugly things to someone he doesn’t even know.

3rdworldwm has been polite and thoughtful in all of her responses. Why would you say such horrible things?

Thank God for Feminism, that women can earn their own way, and don’t have to worry about being economically tied to such vindictive, hateful people.

I second that, Isis. It is truly sad that the outcome of “liberation” has turned out to be such hatred between men and women. At one time, I used to believe that men and women had so much to offer each other. Now, it seems that mostly what they do is take out their past wounds on others and create new wounds to drive men and women apart.

As women are fond of telling me when I recount some of the horror stories I have been through “Not ALL men are like that.”

08-30-2006 10:21 PM

Re: a question re online personals
3rdworldwm
Regular Contributor
3rdworldwm

Thank you and thank God “Not ALL men are like that.”  And the same words for you too, “Not ALL women like that” – referring the stories you are telling.

08-30-2006 11:08 PM

Re: a question re online personals
zacharias
Regular Contributor
zacharias

3rdworldwm wrote:

Thank you and thank God “Not ALL men are like that.”  And the same words for you too, “Not ALL women like that” – referring the stories you are telling.

It doesn’t matter any more whether they are or not, I have met enough women who ARE “like that”, that I no longer care. I have aged out of the time of my life when it made any difference to me.

08-30-2006 11:18 PM

Re: a question re online personals
3rdworldwm
Regular Contributor
3rdworldwm

zacharias wrote:

It doesn’t matter any more whether they are or not, I have met enough women who ARE “like that”, that I no longer care. I have aged out of the time of my life when it made any difference to me.

It is sad to hear that. I would move out of the area if half the men I work with or deal with every day act like that “j**k”. As I find out after being here for 15 yrs, most Americans are nice people, men or women. Bed time, good night.

08-30-2006 11:29 PM

Re: a question re online personals
zacharias
Regular Contributor
zacharias

3rdworldwm wrote:

zacharias wrote:

It doesn’t matter any more whether they are or not, I have met enough women who ARE “like that”, that I no longer care. I have aged out of the time of my life when it made any difference to me.

It is sad to hear that. I would move out of the area if half the men I work with or deal with every day act like that “j**k”. As I find out after being here for 15 yrs, most Americans are nice people, men or women. Bed time, good night.

Yeah, too bad so few women have believed that for the past 40 years or so. Sleep well.

08-30-2006 11:33 PM

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