Crazy…


Reader Response to “Don’t Marry Career Women” – Crazy…

Crazy…
Yikes
Visitor
Yikes

This is absolutely one of the most unbelievable articles I have ever read. I am a single mother with a great career and was married….and if I get a response to the affect of well I guess you shouldn’t have focused on your career so much, my response would be if I hadn’t been the primary breadwinner and primary provider I guess I wouldn’t have had to.

Did it every occur to anyone that women in their 20’s – now in their 30’s and 40’s were too busy building their careers to focus on their choice of who they married, and, that maybe they took the word of their husbands when they said it would be ok if you earn more than I do, I can handle it.  In addition,  women have been forced to make up for lost time in the form of mat leaves and pregnancies, and some smart men and women in the workplace gave them a chance and promoted them. I don’t think that with sexual harrasment being what it is, that it was in all instances because of what they did in the hours after 5 pm. Men haven’t shifted their perceptions of women at home to keep up with what we are now doing in the workplace, and, it is ruining marriages because women can’t do it all….while we do it all sometimes when we find ourselves doing it all we are  better off having the obstacles removed so that we can do it all more easily. Marriage is a 2 way street and the financial security of a family can no longer be dependent on the career of one person.

I actually now face this kind of discrimination out there dating, and I think that it is really sad that people seem to feel that you have to choose now. You can’t have it all, great marriage, great career cause a guy’s ego can’t handle both….I think that we should just raise the bar of our male counterparts, and, then we might all live happily ever after. I didn’t read any stats about child support payments, or men having affairs in that article…I think that we should do a bit more digging and let the facts speak for themselves.

08-29-2006 09:14 PM

Re: Crazy…
Jet_Jaguar
Contributor
Jet_Jaguar

Oh my God!   It just never stops does it?

STOP THE MADNESS!!

08-29-2006 09:22 PM

Re: Crazy…
Democles
Regular Contributor
Democles

Jet_Jaguar wrote:
Oh my God!   It just never stops does it?

STOP THE MADNESS!!

Dude, what did you think? Insanity is a permanent sickness. Yes, we are in trouble.

08-29-2006 09:25 PM

Re: Crazy…
GenghisKhan
Regular Contributor
GenghisKhan
Look, no one is blaming you for choosing the path you freely pursued in life. So don’t blame men when they freely choose whom they wish to marry. And don’t blame the author when he advises men which women they should avoid. When men look to marry, we don’t care about what you did at work. We don’t care about your education. We don’t care about your career. We don’t care about how far you were promoted. We just don’t care about those things. What do we care about? whether you will make a good partner to start and raise a family with. Housewives fit this role much better. Why? because their primary goal is to be a mother and wife. Don’t blame us for picking the best woman for the job. Blame the ideology that sold you empty promises. It helped you get an education, it helped you get a job, but it can’t help you force a man to make a decision on whom to marry.

Message Edited by GenghisKhan on 08-29-2006 09:41 PM

08-29-2006 09:36 PM

Re: Crazy…
leeraconteur
Regular Contributor
leeraconteur

Did it every occur to anyone that women in their 20’s – now in their 30’s and 40’s were too busy building their careers to focus on their choice of who they married…

You prove Noer’s Thesis.  You spent your 20’s becoming a career woman, and ignored your marriage or your children or both.

In addition,  women have been forced to make up for lost time in the form of mat leaves and pregnancies, and some smart men and women in the workplace gave them a chance and promoted them.

A woman who took mat leave was never FORCED to make up for lost time.
She CHOSE to get pregnant, she CHOSE to be devoted to her career.  Men who are devoted to their career don’t get to take off time without penalty.  Childless women who are devoted to their career don’t get to take off time without penalty.

This is referred to as cause and effect; accepting the consequences of ones’ actions.

Why should you be given special treatment just because you had a child?  The others get no such consideration.

and some smart men and women in the workplace gave them a chance and promoted them.

Then these men and women promoted you above someone who actually WORKED and PRODUCED for the company during your leave.  That isn’t smart, that’s fiscally irresponsible.

Unacceptable, and unfair to the childless workers.

If you want to compete in the workplace with the men on equal and level terms, then no preferential treatment.  You take off time for a baby – you lose ground in the career race.

08-29-2006 09:37 PM

Re: Crazy…
Moonshine
Visitor
Moonshine

Fair.. no.  Correct..yes.

Your comments support exactly what the author was saying. Career women are statistically more likely to get divorced. It not right, but it’s the facts. Why do we attack someone for stating the facts of multiple studies?  The author doesn’t state that it’s the woman’s fault, he doesn’t state that we should turn back the clock, he simply states that studies show men married to career women are more likely to get divorced. Marriage is tough, and its tougher when both spouses work –its that simple. There are many happily married couples out there where both spouses work, I consider myself one of those people. But, it’s requires a lot of cooperation, and a lot of splitting of duties and a lot of effort. Some people have strong relationships and they can make it work, some people can’t.  to paraphrase your statement ‘you work too busy building your career’ and he was probably too busy building his career and between the TWO of you, you couldn’t make it work. It may not be fair that we can’t have it all but its darn tough. You state that “Men haven’t shifted their perceptions of women at home to keep up with what we (women) are now doing in the workplace’. It’s that half the point of the article? Working women are independent enough that they don’t need a man, are more likely to get divorced if the marriage isn’t living up to her standards. The point is, we as a society still don’t have all the bugs worked out. So argue that we still need to progress as a society, don’t slay the messenger for pointing out the truth.

08-29-2006 09:43 PM

Re: Crazy…
lunajess
Visitor
lunajess

A woman who took mat leave was never FORCED to make up for lost time.

She CHOSE to get pregnant, she CHOSE to be devoted to her career.  Men who are devoted to their career don’t get to take off time without penalty.  Childless women who are devoted to their career don’t get to take off time without penalty.

However, men CHOOSE to have children too, without incurring any such consequences. Even if a woman takes the minimal time off to have a baby, there’s still one day she can’t be at work (unless she’s fortunate and delivers on the weekend…)

If you’re comparing childless women to mothers, that’s fair enough…but the fact that a woman having one child can affect her career more than a man having twelve isn’t fair.

Not allowing for pregnancy *is* preferential treatment, just in the other direction. Men aren’t penalized for wanting a family…why should women?

And yes, the way society stands right now, it’s a tough choice and the consequences of taking time off work to have a baby have to be taken into consideration…but at some point, we as a society need to decide what we value and want to encourage. do we really want the costs of motherhood to be so great that intelligent, driven women stop reproducing? should each woman bear the costs of raising the next generation one child at a time, or does society value this work overall?

08-29-2006 10:08 PM

Re: Crazy…
Democles
Regular Contributor
Democles

lunajess wrote:

A woman who took mat leave was never FORCED to make up for lost time.

She CHOSE to get pregnant, she CHOSE to be devoted to her career.  Men who are devoted to their career don’t get to take off time without penalty.  Childless women who are devoted to their career don’t get to take off time without penalty.

However, men CHOOSE to have children too, without incurring any such consequences. Even if a woman takes the minimal time off to have a baby, there’s still one day she can’t be at work (unless she’s fortunate and delivers on the weekend…)

If you’re comparing childless women to mothers, that’s fair enough…but the fact that a woman having one child can affect her career more than a man having twelve isn’t fair.

Not allowing for pregnancy *is* preferential treatment, just in the other direction. Men aren’t penalized for wanting a family…why should women?

And yes, the way society stands right now, it’s a tough choice and the consequences of taking time off work to have a baby have to be taken into consideration…but at some point, we as a society need to decide what we value and want to encourage. do we really want the costs of motherhood to be so great that intelligent, driven women stop reproducing? should each woman bear the costs of raising the next generation one child at a time, or does society value this work overall?

Your argument is flawed, you are in effect saying women aren’t biologically different than men.

That’s why men worked outside the home and women bore the children.

Now with the law of supply and demand, the more available workers the lower the prevailing wage.

“Feminists are stupid, let’s laugh at them!”

08-29-2006 10:24 PM

Re: Crazy…
Cassius
Regular Contributor
Cassius
There you have it if you pick a career women and make her the primary breadwinner you are not good enough and do not expect to keep the home after divorce or the kids. So lets see you felt like you have to divorce because

1. He did not make enough money
+
2 Your lawyer told you you get to keep the kids
+
3.Your lawyer told you you get to keep the house
+
4. Your lawyer told you your ex will have to pay child support
=
divorce.

Now why would a man not want a career woman ?

Message Edited by Cassius on 08-29-2006 10:32 PM

08-29-2006 10:27 PM

Re: Crazy…
Cassius
Regular Contributor
Cassius
Luna life is not fair. A woman can choose to abort, however a man has to pay child support and has no say in saying weather or not he wants to be liabel for a kid he fathered. Feminism is about making life fair for women at the expenses of men. Why do you think men are all so angry ?

08-29-2006 10:30 PM

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Reader Response to “Don’t Marry Career Women” – Crazy…

Re: Crazy…
bowenj10
Contributor
bowenj10

Dear, you’re missing a very important point here.  It’s fascinating to me how women seem to take Roe v. Wade for granted.  Let’s ignore the 11 other different forms of birth control available to women (yes, I know some aren’t available to women who haven’t had children, but it’s difficult to make such distinctions because it’s on a case-by-case basis).  Women are the only ones who actually CHOOSE to have babies.  Men don’t get that choice.  A man can’t make you have that baby, even if he is married to you.  He can’t.  It’s amazing how many women casually sidestep that great power in an argument.  And it is a power.

Part of having that power is being responsible for the CHOICES that you make.  Yes, there is that big R-word.  I know that you would love to just pop out a couple of rugrats and shove them off onto the rest of us with absolutely no responsibility on your part, but they are your responsibility once you decide to have them.  You can’t have your cake and eat it to.  You don’t have the choice only when it’s convenient for you.  You have to make that choice sometimes when it isn’t convenient for you.  It’s a two-way street, muffin.

Pregnancy is a lifestyle CHOICE.  If you aren’t responsible enough to use birth control properly, you shouldn’t be rewarded for it.  If you truly value your career as much as you say you do, you ought to know by now that children are going to hurt it.

“Men aren’t penalized for wanting a family…why should women?”

Again, men can’t have a family unless you give him the permission to.  It’s amazing how women who truly don’t want children aren’t having them.  How much is Oprah Winfrey making these days?  $100 million?  $150 million?  What are her children’s names?

08-29-2006 10:30 PM

Re: Crazy…
Mamonaku
Regular Contributor
Mamonaku
“And yes, the way society stands right now, it’s a tough choice and the consequences of taking time off work to have a baby have to be taken into consideration…but at some point, we as a society need to decide what we value and want to encourage. do we really want the costs of motherhood to be so great that intelligent, driven women stop reproducing? should each woman bear the costs of raising the next generation one child at a time, or does society value this work overall?”

Hello Lunajess,

Women in the industrialized countries are already giving birth to less children, causing birth rates to fall across the world. I believe Mr. Noer stated that career women have less children in his article. It would appear that the intellegent, driven women ARE reproducing less, right as we speak.

And at present, we as a society already provide a good length of time off for working mothers. Would you suggest adding yet more time off? More payments for hours not worked? That doesn’t sound terribly efficient to me, especially in this era of outsourcing to cheaper countries such as China and India.

It’s also apparent that, short of legislation, Men aren’t going to take time off, or quit their jobs, to stay home, for reasons already mentioned in other posts. Sorry ladies, for the vast majority of men, its just not in our natures.

It would seem, in my opinion, more logical and economically efficent for the women to be less career focused, and more domestically focused. To squash the debacle called Feminism and stop this madness of expecting every single woman to go out and work 50+ hours like a man. That plan would save a great deal of time, money and energy for all concerned.

08-29-2006 10:35 PM

Re: Crazy…
wildpixie
Newbie
wildpixie

Honestly, I don’t think that the article should have been written.  But then agian, I don’t think an article about Brittany Spears should ever be put in print either. So, obviously you should take my opinion with a grain of salt too.  Listen up, no one is ever going to win this debate.  Work does not lead to divorce, cheating, or anything else that has to do with human nature.  First of all, housewives cheat just as much as career women. It is just not written about because it is easier to hide. Why do you thing the TV show Desperate Housewives is so popular?….Because it is true!!!!!  Basically, if a woman is disinterested in bed with her husband, it is not because she has paperwork stacking up on her desk.  Look closer to home Men.  Secondly, divorces are caused because people grow and change and if you are not willing to change with and for the marriage it is going to be lost.  I have been both a housewife and a career wife.  They both have equal amount of problems to cope with.

08-29-2006 10:37 PM

Re: Crazy…
Mamonaku
Regular Contributor
Mamonaku
“Listen up, no one is ever going to win this debate. Work does not lead to divorce, cheating, or anything else that has to do with human nature…

Secondly, divorces are caused because people grow and change and if you are not willing to change with and for the marriage it is going to be lost. I have been both a housewife and a career wife. They both have equal amount of problems to cope with.”

Wildpixie,

We men that support this article are posting our opinions not only for you. We are posting it for everyone that looks at these comments. We are speaking to the other men who have kept out of this debate, and received confirmation for something that they already knew in their hearts:

Don’t Marry Feminist Career Women.

In politics, debate isn’t for changing the minds of your opponents, but to gain new supporters to your side.

I would also make a slight change to your comment about people not growing and changing and subsequently divorcing.

I submit that the reason people are less likely to grow and change with one another is that it is so easy to divorce.

No Fault Divorce makes sure that if someone is “unhappy”, or something just as ambiguous, they are on their way to the Feminist family court regime lickty split!!

And once the wheels of Injustice start rolling, the entire family is ground into fine cornmeal.

Let’s keep it real: Because of the existance of No Fault Divorce, there is no such thing as Marriage.

08-29-2006 10:58 PM

Re: Crazy…
GenghisKhan
Regular Contributor
GenghisKhan
Work does not lead to divorce, cheating, or anything else that has to do with human nature.
____________________________________________________

Sure it does as Noer pointed out. Is it the only factor? No, but it IS a factor of divorce and cheating.

First of all, housewives cheat just as much as career women.
____________________________________________________

Not according to Noer and his cited source. Do you have a source for your claim?

It is just not written about because it is easier to hide.
____________________________________________________

How so? is it logistically easier to hide? or do you mean hide as in its not reported statistically?

Why do you thing the TV show Desperate Housewives is so popular?….Because it is true!!!!!
____________________________________________________

So your basing your opinion on a fictional tv show about fictional characters in a fictional world. Interesting.

Secondly, divorces are caused because people grow and change and if you are not willing to change with and for the marriage it is going to be lost.
____________________________________________________

Very true. But Noer isn’t talking about causes of divorce during a marriage. He’s talking about how to minimize divorce by avoiding certain women BEFORE marriage.

I have been both a housewife and a career wife. They both have equal amount of problems to cope with.
____________________________________________________

Agreed. But according to Noer, marrying the career woman will cause a greater increase in the occurrence of those equal problems.

08-29-2006 10:59 PM

Re: Crazy…
Yikes
Visitor
Yikes

K so, we are all missing the point the point is that my career had nothing to do with my choice of a spouse….love did. Something that we all seem to be kind of totally disregarding. Marriage is a connection of people and you don’t facture into whether or not you can both handle the socio economical realities that we have imposed on families. I was in business and he was in social work, and we had it all going against us.

I would have fought with every ounce of my body to preserve my marriage, I underwent 4 invitro treatments to have my children, and, I provided for them financially because an income of 30K/yr doesn’t go very far with daycare expenses that almost match that. I would never have had an affair, and maybe he did as a result of stress. I am not representative of the reason why marriages lead to divcorce, I am representative of the reality of our lives today. If you live in a vacuum unaware of all of the potential complexities than I can understand your comments but right now we are still far apart.

08-30-2006 12:00 AM

Re: Crazy…
GenghisKhan
Regular Contributor
GenghisKhan
we are all missing the point the point is that my career had nothing to do with my choice of a spouse….love did. Something that we all seem to be kind of totally disregarding.
____________________________________________________

I agree that love should be a part of marriage. But here’s the problem, other factors – anti-male marriage laws, divorce rates, child custody issues, feminism, have displaced and lowered the value of this love for men.

Marriage is a connection of people and you don’t facture into whether or not you can both handle the socio economical realities that we have imposed on families.
____________________________________________________

Quite the contrary we HAVE to factor in these socio economic realities, Why? Because the system today penalizes the man heavily who chooses to marry for love if his choice is the wrong one. So men are forced to be more discriminating on whom we choose to marry and what factors we base that decision to marry on. And this is why Noer’s article is important, b/c it offers us some advice on this powerful decision. Love is so outweighed by the other negative factors that they overshadow the value of it. In order for love to become a significant factor again it must outweigh the other negative factors. Who has control over most of those negative factors? Women do. So if you want us to consider love again when we marry, do your part to make it so.

Message Edited by GenghisKhan on 08-30-2006 12:36 AM

08-30-2006 12:24 AM

Re: Crazy…
ACatInSD
Regular Contributor
ACatInSD

Well Said Moonshine, I think you are one of the few here that with brains, that could view the fact from almost every angle of it.

This blog somehow attract some women-haters, and some men-haters. But don’t forget that there are a lot of people out there just like Moonshine, reasonable, calm and persuasive.

I didn’t choose to be a housewife was because in such a world there is no guarantee for a man to support me (food, a place to live, etc) to the end, as a husband. But a job does. I just want to be safe and well taken care of by myself, and I never date anyone who looks down on me or tries to be my master as a man. Men choose, women could choose too, it is a two-way street.

Thanks Moonshine, you are the fresh air here.

08-30-2006 12:33 AM

Re: Crazy…
Moonshine
Visitor
Moonshine

“I am not representative of the reason why marriages lead to divorce, I am representative of the reality of our lives today” – Yikes

The point wasn’t that career women are to blame for divorce for any one thing they did. The point is that when two people both lead stressful career driven lives there is more stress than if only one person does.

More stress = more fights.

More fights and more stress = more chance of an affair.

It’s easier to get a divorce then it ever has been. That coupled with all the media about what constitute a perfect marriage Kids, 2 expensive cars, Perfect House, vacations, puts financial pressure and unrealistic expectations on any marriage. If you believe you can have it all without some problems – you are doomed to failure. When you throw it all together you have a greater chance of things not working out.

I’m thankful my wife isn’t an A-personality that wants to be a CEO. We’d never spend any time together and doomed to fall into the same trap. She works and enjoys her job. I work and enjoy my job. But we try to enjoy life too.

08-30-2006 12:45 AM

Re: Crazy…
Yikes
Visitor
Yikes

So on the topic of an A type peronality…..yes I am am a type personaliy, I admit it and I an sorry for it. Perfection isn’t the goal but achievment is yes the same quality that we instilll in our children. We can do it both career and family…just work with us to enable us the ability to get there and watch us. If you think we can’t we will show you we can.

08-30-2006 01:46 AM

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Reader Response to “Don’t Marry Career Women” – Crazy…

Re: Crazy…
Yikes
Visitor
Yikes

One more thing….on children….what are you if you don’t have a family, you are a couple. The article made reference to people not wanting to have chldren. IVF babies require daily ultratsounds  and daily shots, I just wanted to tell you that I wanted children badly, and I was not only prepared to do accomodate the time required I was also prepared to work hard to get there with injections etc….a total of 3 per day regardless of the time zone.

Children to me represented that we were there and while my ex-husband decided to take into consideration his 19 yr old direct report, that wasn’t my issue. Stop it.

08-30-2006 01:59 AM

Re: Crazy…
MartianBachelor
Regular Contributor
MartianBachelor

Yikes wrote: …Did it every occur to anyone that women in their 20’s – now in their 30’s and 40’s were too busy building their careers to focus on their choice of who they married?

Yes, plenty of people have thought about this, and commented on it.

Women in their 20’s are at the height of their beauty power, but they have an increasing tendency these days to squander those prime years “building their careers”. Then, by the time they’re in their 30’s and ready to get married, which is to say after their value in the mating market has evaporated considerably (especially if they have kids), they blame men for their predicament even as they absorb more and more years of a femincentric media that encourages them to raise their requirements (which they call “growing” and sharpens their male-bashing skills (as a few of your phrases indicate).

It’s not a very good strategy and I’ve wondered why women have bought the entire bill of goods which has led them to believe this was THE way to go, and that success and happiness were guaranteed. It puzzles me even more that women don’t see that they are largely the ones who made the bed they’re now sleeping in. (After all, men haven’t changed and are therefore a constant…) Women run “the economy of eros”, and if it’s in pretty much a state of disaster, well why not change how you all are running things and figure out a way to improve it all?

______________________________________________
“The loudest, most strident voices calling women weak, stupid, and incapable of competing in the world at large are the feminists.” – zed the zen priest

08-30-2006 05:10 AM

Re: Crazy…
Jman
Contributor
Jman

“So on the topic of an A type peronality…..yes I am am a type personaliy, I admit it and I an sorry for it. Perfection isn’t the goal but achievment is yes the same quality that we instilll in our children. We can do it both career and family…just work with us to enable us the ability to get there and watch us. If you think we can’t we will show you we can. ”

Stop worrying about what others think that you can or cannot do. That reminds me of the situation when training to run great at a certain race on the weekend, then you and some training partners go out and run on wednesday. One always has be on gaurd that one doesn’t try to show up each other, resulting in screwing up your chance in being in race shape come the weekend. Take some time and figure out what you want, family goals and career goals. Work back from that, and not what someone says you can and cannot do.

08-30-2006 08:57 AM

Re: Crazy…
Stacey35
Contributor
Stacey35

Cassius…..

In response to you saying:

Luna life is not fair. A woman can choose to abort, however a man has to pay child support and has no say in saying weather or not he wants to be liabel for a kid he fathered. Feminism is about making life fair for women at the expenses of men. Why do you think men are all so angry ?

Not every woman is out there to hold the men financially responsible. I have a 10 year old, do not collect a dime in child support, (there is a child support order that has been in effect since he was born), I do not drag his butt in and out of court and I am in the legal field. You want to know why….. I dont want to deal with it. I dont have to listen to my child cry when dad does not show up when he promised to, etc.

When my son is 18 I will turn everything over to him and let it be his choice to go after him. By that time the amount that will have accrued will be substantial and needless to say criminal. The only reason I will give him this information is because it is money owed to him, not me. I am blessed with a great career and do not rely on him to feed, cloth, pay tuition, pay extra curricular sport fees, child care, the list is endless.

08-30-2006 11:16 AM

Re: Crazy…
ACatInSD
Regular Contributor
ACatInSD

Hi Stacey35,

I am exactly in the same situation with you and I agree your attitudes towards your ex, your child, and your career.

Did you notice that most men here who are angry to women are actual losers that cannot control where their dicks go and do, and then irresponsibly blame everything to women? And with their IQ/EQ, they use dogs or other animals to describe their behaviors. It is true that we were from animals, but don’t forget that we also have civilization that marked on us as well, that commen sense of being honesty, responsible and human dignity should play the major role in a human’s life.

Good post! Just let you know that I know a lot other women think the same as you do!

08-30-2006 02:32 PM

Re: Crazy…
Stacey35
Contributor
Stacey35

ACatlinSD…

Thanks. Its good to know that there are others out there. Its wild because I know there are a lot of women out there that are looking for that free ride, but not all are like that.

Lets even add more to the mix on this…..

(1) Female that has a good paying job;
(2) financial security / assets of her own;
(3) already has their child (that they provde 100% support for) and does not plan on anymore;
(4) being a female that takes care of herself, like myself I am 5’9 and 105 lbs, I dont dress like a slob, tramp, etc. Then the odds are stacked against you even more. Try getting a date then. I look at some people and think wow there has to be hope for me if they end up married.

Dont get me wrong, I am not trying to be a jerk, condescending or anything like that. It just seems if you have all of the above its even worse (at least in Chicago it is)

08-30-2006 03:00 PM

Re: Crazy…
ACatInSD
Regular Contributor
ACatInSD

Dear Stacey,

I am sure you will meet someone that is strong both emotionally and physically, and admiring you as a successful person based on what you have achieved as a human, not a object or a tool or something has no human feelings. But not at this blog

Your extra points are exactly what I believe and am doing now. I need to lose more weight – I am 5’3″, but 108 lb… I will head out to gym now at the lunch break, and I do that 7 times a week.

You have a fabulous life, and more better will come.
I am in San Diego, by the way.

08-30-2006 03:29 PM

Re: Crazy…
bowenj10
Contributor
bowenj10

What exactly do you base your opinions on?  What, in any of these posts makes you think that men can’t control where they put their dicks?  The fact is, men like to have sex without the expectations of having children.  Lest you forget, that was one of the arguments that women used to justify Roe v. Wade.  Now that men are doing the same thing (wanting to have sex without being forced to have children), we are called losers.  Hmmm, am I sensing some hypocrisy here?  I think I am.

The fact is Stacey, men have only one form of birth control to them, women have ten times that.  Men have absolutely no rights to a child after it is born.  The only way that he can have any say is if he is married or has custody.  That’s it.  Otherwise, he is relegated to a human wallet.  If you think men are pissed off about that, you bet we are.

“Not every woman is out there to hold the men financially responsible. I have a 10 year old, do not collect a dime in child support, (there is a child support order that has been in effect since he was born), I do not drag his butt in and out of court and I am in the legal field. You want to know why….. I dont want to deal with it. I dont have to listen to my child cry when dad does not show up when he promised to, etc.”

Sweetheart, whether you go after him for child support or not is not the issue here.  What men have been railing against in these forums are the laws and enforcement methods.  The fact that you don’t go after him for the support is irrelevant.

“When my son is 18 I will turn everything over to him and let it be his choice to go after him. By that time the amount that will have accrued will be substantial and needless to say criminal.”

Unless you live in a state where support is mandated through college or the child’s 21st birthday, it might be too late.  As for the support, the lack of any payment already makes him a criminal.  Technically, he shouldn’t be able to drive to work (because he shouldn’t have a license), he shouldn’t be able to obtain any kind of professional license, shouldn’t be able to travel out of the country (because he won’t have a passport), and shouldn’t be getting any tax refunds.

Unless you went into the courthouse and requested the judge not to order the child support, which, based on your comments I will assume you didn’t, you are still one of those women.

08-30-2006 04:07 PM

Re: Crazy…
Stacey35
Contributor
Stacey35

You know what ACatln in all honesty I don’t care. I have everything I could possibly want. If Mr. Right was to come around, that would be an added bonus, not a necessity in my life.

08-30-2006 04:12 PM

Re: Crazy…
bowenj10
Contributor
bowenj10

Let’s take these points one at a time, shall we.

“(1) Female that has a good paying job;”

If you aren’t paying exactly half of every bill on a date, what the hell do I care if you have a good job or not.

“(2) financial security / assets of her own”

Refer to number one.

“(3) already has their child (that they provde 100% support for) and does not plan on anymore”

How do I know that you won’t have anymore?  The birth control pill is 99% effective (with proper use of course).  How many women are out there who are supposedly using the pill and still getting pregnant.  The fact is, muffin, women are atrocious when it comes to taking birth control the proper way.  If I had a dollar for every time that I heard about the negative effects of birth control I would be a rich man.  My response is always “which one”, of course.  I am one of those men who knows more about female birth control than most women.  So, I know not to trust women when they claim that they are on birth control.  The fact that you say that you don’t want anymore children is irrelevant.  You’ve already had one.  I have no way of knowing whether you are serious or not, and neither does any other man.  I would never, ever trust a woman about her birth control methods.

“(4) being a female that takes care of herself, like myself I am 5’9 and 105 lbs, I dont dress like a slob, tramp, etc. Then the odds are stacked against you even more. Try getting a date then. I look at some people and think wow there has to be hope for me if they end up married.”

Refer to number three.  And of course you don’t dress like a tramp.  You have to attract the next sucker.  And before you start railing about the first “loser”, think about this.  What kind of person chooses a loser to procreate with?  Think about it.

08-30-2006 04:17 PM

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Reader Response to “Don’t Marry Career Women” – Crazy…

Re: Crazy…
Stacey35
Contributor
Stacey35

bowenj10…..

where do I start with all the points you made, which I will admit are valid.

(1) regarding the child support. In Illinois they do go after back child support. Heres the thing, 10 years ago when I did go into court (with the father at my side) we both agreed upon the child support amount. After the order was entered, he quickly went to a cash paying job. In the iterim, his order is one of many in this State that is in default. Unless I scream about it, the chances it catches up to him are slim to none.

(2) regarding bills. you know what, if I was with someone, I would not have a problem contributing financially. Call it the way I was raised or whatever else. I do not expect a free ride from anyone.

(3) birth control. I know this is going to light up the blog site, but oh well. I know its 99% effective. I, at one time, was part of that 1% and what did I do? I chose not to have it. At the time financially I could not. Regarding my statement of not wanting anymore. My son is 10, the light of my life and spoiled to the core (because I can). I was not selfish enough at the time to bring another child into this world when I could not financially support it. I have gone through all the diapers, blah blah blah and I dont want to do it again. Therefore, I can state that I do not plan on anymore.

Anymore things that I need to address?

08-30-2006 04:56 PM

Re: Crazy…
Stacey35
Contributor
Stacey35

bowenj10…..

oops I forgot about the “loser” part.

At the time of course I did not think he was a loser. Hindsight is twenty twenty. Different time, different lifestyle. I say that now (re: loser) because he is not a twenty-something& he wanted a child. We were engaged to be married (before I found out I was pregnant), it was my lifestyle at the time that broke us up. My priorities were screwed up at the time, it was all about going out with the girls.

If none of this would have happened it would not have made me the person I am today, so in that respect, hats off to him.

Message Edited by Stacey35 on 08-30-2006 05:06 PM

08-30-2006 05:05 PM

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