Marriage is about Devotion


Reader Response to “Don’t Marry Career Women” – Marriage is about Devotion

Marriage is about Devotion
ang
Contributor
ang

There are many a housewife who marry and are NOT devoted to their marriage. It is not about career women per se. It is about commitment. Raliegh boy made a good point about marriage takes work, you’re either ready to make sacrifices for each other or you’re not. Marriage does not have ANY room for selfishness. If you are a selfish person, then your marriage will probably head for divorce.

Marriage is about give and take. But if there is only one partner giving, what’s gonna happen? The marriage cannot survive.  Marriage is about team players. What happens when half the team bails out? Divorce!

All of this boils down to being committed to your marriage. Now a days couples are going into marriage with a frivilous attitude. The vows (promise) to stay married is not written in their heart. this is a recipe for divorce from the start!

Marriage is a very serious matter but no one takes it very seriously.

STOP DIVORCE! and Save Your Marriage!http://www.heavenministries.com/

08-29-2006 01:36 PM

Re: Marriage is about Devotion
Mamonaku
Regular Contributor
Mamonaku
“All of this boils down to being committed to your marriage. Now a days couples are going into marriage with a frivilous attitude. The vows (promise) to stay married is not written in their heart. this is a recipe for divorce from the start!

Marriage is a very serious matter but no one takes it very seriously.”

Ang,

I most definately agree with you.

May I also add that:

1) Our churches are not emphasizing the fact that Divorce is a serious offense to God.

2) Our No Fault divorce laws do nothing to support marriage. A return to a Fault based system would go a long way to lowering divorce rates, AND making people think twice before getting married.

Like killing two birds with one stone!

Have a good day.

08-29-2006 02:00 PM

Re: Marriage is about Devotion
ang
Contributor
ang

And society, unfortunately is brainwashed or mislead, into believing in these churches! As long as the blind continue to lead the blind society will remain in godlessness.

STOP DIVORCE! and Save Your Marriage!http://www.heavenministries.com/

08-29-2006 02:04 PM

Re: Marriage is about Devotion
EnglishProf
Contributor
EnglishProf

Ang,

I read your article at the link you provide, and I agree with you on most points except one:  career women care more about their careers than their families.  I guess it depends upon how we are defining “career woman.”  I think there is a difference between a “career” and a “job,” and I think that most women who need to work for economic or other reasons would rather have a “career” (or a path of work that is meaningful to them in which they can grow).  [Now, the argument that women shouldn’t need to work outside the home and that feminism is at fault for making dual income a necessity is an entirely different topic, and one I don’t wish to engage here.  I am assuming that for some women, working outside the home is both necessary and enjoyable.]  I’m wondering what would happen if we substituted the word “vocation” for career.  I know many Christian women working in ministry up to 40 hours (or more) per week who also have families, and they would assert that, as much as they love their vocation and feel it is God’s will for their life, family will always come first.  I really enjoyed an earlier thread (about 24 hours back) in which a doctor was talking about marriage/career issues in the Orthodox Jewish community–he shed some interesting and sensible light on the issue from a faith perspective.

What about the woman who spends her 20s getting an education and working, and being active in her faith community.  She doesn’t meet her soulmate until she is in her 30s.  By this time, she enjoys her vocation/career, and it is this side of her that has made her interesting to her husband.  He is a highly educated person who can actually talk with her about his educational/political/religious interests and she can understand and dialogue.  She likes her profession, but she also enjoys maintaining a home for the two of them.  They start thinking about kids, and they engage in some serious conversations about things like finances, childcare, whether she will work full-time, part-time, or not at all, or whether the two of them can share childcare through a job-share arrangement.  She thinks about consulting opportunities that can be done from home.  They think about how all of this will affect the development of the child.  They consult with family, church friends, etc.

I think that this scenario is very familiar to most women and families.  Yes, there are women who will attempt to scale the corporate ladder while they have young children, working the same 60+ hour weeks and leaving their children to the care of nannies.  I’m not going to judge someone else’s choices, but I will say that this is not the majority of the population–at least not now (and I think that things have really changed in the last 5 years).  Most couples really want to do the best thing, and these are important decisions for them.

What bothers me in this entire discussion, is that so many men are talking about divorce statistics before they are even talking about marriage.  Divorce was not even a talking point when my husband and I were dating.  We did tons of pre-marital and even pre-engagement counseling, and we focused on communication.  We don’t mention the word “divorce” in our house, not even jokingly.  Marriage is not an “investment”; it is a commitment before God and/or community (depending upon whether or not you are a religious person).  It is also a mystery–in a spiritual sense.

So, to draw this to a close:  I don’t think that this discussion of marriage vs. career, as it has evolved, is beneficial.  I think it perhaps needs to be re-framed.  A better question to participants might be:  how do you are your spouse navigate the complexity of modern life?  What communication skills do you use?  On what have you compromised, and how did you feel about that?  Do you feel that your “career” is a true vocation–something you were born to do–and how do you fit that in with your family?  How do you put your family first?

Just some thoughts . . .

08-29-2006 03:08 PM

Re: Marriage is about Devotion
ang
Contributor
ang

English Prof, I like what you said. It makes a lot of sense. I think this discussion is going to the extremes on both sides. I agree that career woman do not put as much effort into their families. How can they? They’re too busy persuing their ambitons in life? Right?
I commend you on wanting to make your husband happy!  Marriage takes compromise by both husband and wife, something it seems you have done.

I think you would make a good couselor. I appreciate your contributions to this discussion and I hope to read more of your thoughts.

I think that is an excellent question to ask career women. “How do you put family first? ”

Blessings,

STOP DIVORCE! and Save Your Marriage!http://www.heavenministries.com/

08-29-2006 08:02 PM

Re: Marriage is about Devotion
khankrumthebulg
Regular Contributor
khankrumthebulg
Dear Ang & English Prof,

What the Women are not acknowledging is the Legal Sanctions Men face in Divorce and our Cultural attitudes towards Divorce. Oprah has suggested it is a “growth Opportunity” for Women. What it is for Men is a financial Train wreck. Worse yet Men have publicly sanctioned no control over or even say in their Reproduction. When an effective and Safe Male pill becomes available and Men can turn off the Baby Spigot, or Women spawning themselves an Annuity. The screams will be heard around the Globe.

When Juveniles who are sexually abused by older Women, Raped. Are forced to pay child Support to their Abusers for over a decade.

08-30-2006 09:28 AM

Re: Marriage is about Devotion
ang
Contributor
ang

Yes, I understand exactly what you are saying. But why let the state be in control of your marriage in the first place?

Marriage is a contract between the couples getting married and God. Do you think Adam and Eve contracted with the state? That is how the state takes control (ward) over your children as well– thru the state contract you signed.

You can record your marriag in your bible.

You do not need to contract with the state to get married. If the marriage fails, God forbid, these women cannot take the man for all his money or and vice versa.

Here is a really good article on this subject. I suggest everyone on this board read it. I may just make a new post.
http://www.heavenministries.com/articles/MarriageLicense.htm/

STOP DIVORCE! and Save Your Marriage!http://www.heavenministries.com/

08-30-2006 10:35 AM

Re: Marriage is about Devotion
EnglishProf
Contributor
EnglishProf

This is why you have to be really, really careful who you marry.  And you have to learn how to communicate effectively.  My husband was engaged twice before he met me.  His fiancees made it very clear that they wanted him to change his career path and make a boatload of money so that he could finance their desires.  (For example, one wanted a big house with a pool).  He finally realized that he couldn’t be someone he wasn’t, and that these significant others didn’t appreciate who he was.  I’ve also dated men who constantly complained about different aspects of my looks (weight, clothing–and, believe me, I happen to dress very well and be a normal weight) and wanted me to be someone I wasn’t.  You really have to have eyes wide open in a relationship.

I highly recommend pre-engagement counseling for everyone–address the problems before you have even purchased the ring and put it on the finger.  Better to figure these things out before the emotional ties are too great.

Funny story:  my mother-in-law is very eager for grandkids and keeps asking me when we are going to have kids.  She has told me flat-out that I should “convienently forget to take the birth control,” or to trick my husband in some way.  I told her that the decision to have a child belongs to both parties involved, and that my husband and I make these decisions together.  Can you imagine?  What nerve!  So, yes, I guess there is a tradition of women who trick men to get what they want.

I happened to live through a horrendous childhood in an emotionally abusive home that functioned like a war zone.  Much of what I do as an adult is a reaction against memories of childhood.  I’m trying my best not to have the kind of marriage my parents did.  We all do our best–I’m praying and keeping my fingers crossed.

08-30-2006 02:33 PM

Re: Marriage is about Devotion
khankrumthebulg
Regular Contributor
khankrumthebulg
Again I must disagree with the idea that all Men must do is Marry the right Woman. Women are due to the Legal structures, case Law, and Family Courts able on a whim to Cash Out. The Data and studies conclude the Majority of No-Fault Divorces are for “Emotional Reasons”, i.e. Did not feel loved, appreciated, did not communicate well etc. Fault Reasons, Adultery, Non-support, violence, continued Substance Abuse are in the Minority of Divorces.

With Psychologists, Feminists, Oprah and others advising Women that Divorce can be a “Growth Opportunity” for Women, is a compelling reason for a Man to let that “Growth Opportunity” befall some other Schmuck. Is one of the reasons for the Marriage Strike. It is Women 70% who are initiating and filing for Divorce, Not Men.

Therefore Men must adopt Strategies that limit our damages financially, and disruption to our lives. And to the Christian Women the percentages of Christian Women in Red States who file are a few percentage points higher than the General population. Religion at least Christian profession is no guarantee of Wedded bliss.

08-30-2006 04:38 PM

Re: Marriage is about Devotion
earthlaughs
Contributor
earthlaughs

EnglishProf wrote:It is also a mystery–in a spiritual sense.

I agree with this particular statement so much that I had to comment. To me this is what marriage is all about, and what I think too many marriages miss out on. I’m not a religious person, and I got married in the county courthouse; yet I believe this with all my heart, and I think it applies even in a marriage of two atheists. There’s either a true love bond that creates something entirely new between you and makes you want to commit to marriage in a way that goes far beyond legal or material concerns, or in my mind it’s not really a marrage at all, but a legal agreement only. If two people have that kind of commitment, it’s going to last through any problem, and they will both take part in decisions, they will both be willing to do the work necessary to make it work. It’s not, in my mind about careers, or women’s issues, or fear of divorce. It’s about a bond that is in a sense beyond description.

But I also don’t think marriage is for everyone. Some people are happier single.

Message Edited by earthlaughs on 08-31-2006 03:52 PM

08-31-2006 06:51 PM

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