Proceed with Caution


Reader Response to “Don’t Marry Career Women” – Proceed with Caution

Proceed with Caution
jonathans
Newbie
jonathans

If you’re a young man considering your options in this area, take heed…

I’ve been married 25 years now to a “career woman”. I have a BSEE and an MSEE and “had” a great career until we had kids. The “career woman” tried working with the kids in day care, then tried the stay at home mom gig – her ego couldn’t take it. Finally, being an “open minded” and “flexible” person, I opted to step back from the career path, and take primary responsibility for the kids. I’d work part time consulting as time permitted. WHAT A MISTAKE!

First, kids really are great! Have lots of them – just make sure you have them with the right person.

Kids have lots of needs – unscheduled needs. They’re not adults so don’t expect them to be more accommodating or better at handling issues than the adults you know. Duh! Bottom line is kids take time and often the time that is needed is at an inconvenient time! You’re an idiot if you think that both spouses can pursue typical full time jobs without kids causing friction and without the kids paying a big price. This is a fundamental law of life – thinking you can break this law is like thinking you can break the law of gravity!

Another fundamental law of life – men and women are different! Some of differences make men better in the workplace (e.g. more competitive) and women better in the home (e.g. more nurturing and empathetic).  Compare Mr. Noer and Ms. Corcoran’s articles and the differences are glaring. Yes there are exceptions, but who cares about the exceptions? Let the rare exceptions worry about their own special problems and let the idiots spend time promoting the exceptions! You should ignore those idiots and trust your gut and your old man on this one.

Twenty five years of marriage and my wife is still as confused as ever. Yes she’s climbed to CFO but she hates her job, hates her life, and isn’t happy with her marriage. Even though I’ve averaged over $50k a year part time as well as kept our kids on the straight path, there is no appreciation. She would rather I be making over $120k so she wouldn’t be under any pressure. She would rather I handle the kids her way even though she’s not around the kids enough to know what the issues are. She somehow thinks that she can play the 50+ hours CFO role as well as the 50+ hours mommy role (don’t even ask about the “wife” roles…). She’s succeeded at a job she hates and failed at home. She’s not happy – so who’s happy? Is she ready to call her career choice a failure as well so she can move forward and make some necessary changes – hardly.

Understand this – I am proud of my kids, who they are, and the job I’ve done with them. “I” am open-minded enough and flexible enough to be satisfied with achieving the goals that “we” set for our family. My “wife” is the unhappy one. My “wife” who was able to pursue “her” dreams unimpeded, is the unhappy one.

So, young man, proceed with caution when dealing with a “career woman.” “You” will be considered unreasonable and chauvinistic if “you” don’t make the sacrifices so that “she” can pursue “her” dreams. She will unknowingly sacrifice all in pursuing her career dreams. But don’t expect her to be happy with you or her dreams in the end.

08-29-2006 09:51 AM

Re: Proceed with Caution
MechEng
Visitor
MechEng

Thank you for being so open and straight forward about your situation.  I think your story is the first one I’ve seen here that is based on experience and not simply about mudslinging.

As an ME, I see cases like yours far too often with the women in the field.

Thank you, again, for your cautionary story.

08-29-2006 10:32 AM

Re: Proceed with Caution
GenghisKhan
Regular Contributor
GenghisKhan
This is a great post because it forces people to take a step back from the stats and opinions and view things from a practical standpoint. Thanks for your input, its going to enlighten a lot of men out there.

08-29-2006 11:01 AM

Re: Proceed with Caution
Democles
Regular Contributor
Democles

Awesome post!

The fact is women are never happy unless men domineern them.

08-29-2006 11:12 AM

Re: Proceed with Caution
Jman
Contributor
Jman

I don’t think many people go into the hiring process thinking, “we need to hire a good accountant, so lets look for the best parent.” I’d assume they’d look for a good accountant. It is probably a bonus if they can keep their house in order, otherwise they could bring problems into work, but the first objective is a good accountant.

So you say “don’t marry a career woman,” maybe it’s better to say, “marry a person that you think will make a good parent and spouse.” If you’ve find someone that caughtes your eye, and you think you’ve found that, then next ask, can we reconcile our scedules, values, and parenting style. If yes then go on ahead get married, then keep reconciling as the time goes on. It might be a career woman or not. If she happens to be such a career woman that you think her career role is going to crowd out her family role, it’s probably best to skip out on that one. Same goes if your a woman and think that of a career man. I’m sure there are plenty of career men out there, who really don’t make the best family man. Skip him, he might be a great guy, just not one to marry.

08-29-2006 11:35 AM

Re: Proceed with Caution
leeraconteur
Regular Contributor
leeraconteur

So you say “don’t marry a career woman,” maybe it’s better to say, “marry a person that you think will make a good parent and spouse.”

Right!  And the person who will make a good parent and spouse IS NOT a career woman.

08-29-2006 11:40 AM

Re: Proceed with Caution
Jman
Contributor
Jman

“Right!  And the person who will make a good parent and spouse IS NOT a career woman.”

I’ll shoot, what is a career woman exactly?

08-29-2006 12:03 PM

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