Desperate Coeds

Reader Response to “Don’t Marry Career Women” – Desperate Coeds

Desperate Coeds
Regular Contributor
By Regis Nicoll

The Confusion of Campus Romance

On a recent to visit Rhodes College in Memphis, Tennessee, I picked up a copy of the student newspaper and read with interest an op-ed by Michelle Hope, “Is Rhodes too sexually conservative?” What prompted Michelle’s article was a conference she attended the previous weekend for college editors. The topic? Sex and relationships on college campuses. The host? Trojan, the condom manufacturer.

Little surprise, then, at Michelle’s embarrassment to learn that her small liberal arts school in the buckle of the Bible Belt was the only college (among Princeton, UNC, Harvard, Duke, Rutgers, and others) without condom machines in the dorms. Rhodes also had the distinction of being one of only two schools without a sex column in their student publications.

Upon reflection, Michelle felt this explained the “shallow culture” in which many of her peers found it “hard to meet new friends” and had difficulty reaching “closure on failed relationships.” “Huh?” you twitch. More in a moment.

While Rhodes students may feel deprived of condom machines and sex columns, students at other schools have had the “benefits” of both for some time now. On a growing number of campuses, student-run magazines, like H Bomb (Harvard) and Boink (Boston U.), include nude photography interlaced with sex news, forums, and polls to help students “learn from others who are on the same journey,” according to Boink editor-in-chief, Alecia Oleyourryk.

On some cutting-edge campuses, students also get the bonus of live demonstrations and hands-on learning. At Yale, students organize a week-long program featuring sex toys, porn stars, sex therapists, and Playboy strippers. The program, called Sex Week, is underwritten by PureRomance, a company specializing in “relationship enhancement products.”

It is ironic and sad that a generation steeped in postmodern cynicism hangs on the insights of sex merchants as prior generations might have a papal address spoken ex cathedra.

One attendee, 20-year-old Kaja Wilmanska, fretted, “I have a lot of inhibitions and fears that I’m not sure where they come from.” Not, mind you, that the sponsors aim to answer the question at the heart of Kaja’s fears. Rather, organizers hope that by presenting sex in a “more relevant” and “more fun” manner, students will begin talking about it. (As if that’s ever been a problem.)

When asked why porn stars and strippers, a female psyche major offered, “It would seem like we were trying to intellectualize sex if we didn’t have something on the other end of the spectrum.” Yeah, intellectualizing sex could be a real bummer. It might spark a modicum of critical thinking and cause students, like poor Kaja, to question the value of advice given by ”bedroom accessories” peddlers and equally confused peers.

In her article, Michelle connected the deep unhappiness of her female colleagues with the relationship options available to them: The “hook-up”—a casual, one-time sexual encounter; “joined at the hip”—an exclusive relationship with a significant other; or “friends with benefits”—buddies who occasionally have sex together without further expectation.

Strangely missing from the list is courtship and dating; you know, the time-honored custom in which two people determine compatibility and, over time, learn about things like respect, communication, conflict resolution, commitment, sacrifice, and the control of sexual impulse for the well-being of the other. It seems that, for modern coeds, dating is either too demanding or unhealthy.

As one female Swarthmore student explained to the Christian Science Monitor: “No time, no money, and no need.” For career-minded women, dating has become an expensive, time-consuming activity. Another Princeton coed put it this way: “Getting involved in a relationship is like taking on two extra courses.” For others, like Michelle, exclusive relationships are “ultimately co-dependent.”

Those attitudes remind me of an article about author Gail Sheehy in UTNE magazine a while back. Sheehy beamed that increased longevity had increased the time available for three different careers—and “three different partners.” This is great news. We no longer have to expend unnecessary energy, or lose our identity, in an unsatisfying relationship. We can either trade up as our needs evolve or cash in if it becomes too taxing.

Sheehy applauded the recent decision of a 60-year-old acquaintance to leave her second husband; not because he was neglectful or abusive, but because his goals didn’t track with hers. In short, joy over silver anniversaries should give way to praise for “heroic” decisions to disengage and move on.

Filtered down to today’s coed yearning for intimacy, the message is: “Dating and exclusive relationships, bad; hook-up, good”—much to the delight of college males.

In a bygone time, a guy had to risk rejection by asking a girl out. Today it is the girl who becomes vulnerable by asking the guy out and, if she develops feelings, initiating discussions about the future of their relationship. On campuses where women outnumber men, girls even reverse the roles of predator and prey. The competition for male attention is so great, one Columbia coed told the Chicago Sun-Times, that “a lot of girls [hit on each other] to get men going.”

However, a dark question awaits the successful coed the next morning: how to slink back to her dorm in a “walk of shame,” while her conquest struts in his “stride of pride.” Sadly, many college women have settled for a subculture that serves the interests of men, making guys “players” and girls “sluts.”

So what’s a desperate coed to do? “Get drunk first, and don’t bring a condom,” says a Stanford educator. Sure, you might contract herpes or get pregnant and need an abortion, but your “reputation will be fine.” Some choice, huh?

In her article, Michelle also mentions the alcohol use among young women who want to “fit in” and have their emotional needs met. She rightly acknowledges the self-perpetuating aspect of the “hook-up” culture, noting that “men no longer have to work for their conquests” nor “feel pressure to form committed relationships.” And she decries the tragic unhappiness this has created for many of her classmates.

But surprisingly, Michelle thinks there’s nothing “wrong with the hook-up”—in theory that is. As to what the ideal hook-up would look like, Michelle doesn’t say. She merely concludes with a call for open communication using campus forums and newspaper columns. While that may seem a reasonable strategy, history tells another story.

C.S. Lewis once remarked that the problem of old: conforming man’s desires to age-old virtues had become: conforming age-old virtues to man’s desires. Nowhere is this more evident than in the ideals of Sigmund Freud and Planned Parenthood founder Margaret Sanger.

Believing that man’s greatest happiness was in sexual satisfaction, Freud argued that traditional morality created inhibitions that led to neuroses. Sanger felt similarly, calling the morality of self-denial “cruel” and advocating a “salvation by sex.”

In Pivots of Civilization, Sanger wrote, “Through sex, mankind will attain the great spiritual illumination which will transform the world, and light up the only path to an earthly paradise.” Sanger believed that open communication about sex and birth control would help deliver us from the yoke of conscience and usher in the utopian age.

Thanks to Sanger, and the sexual revolution she helped spawn, there has been more education about sex and contraception than in any other era. Yet forty years after the revolution, we are not experiencing Sanger’s utopia but reeling in a dystopia of burgeoning divorce rates, out-of-wedlock births, single-parent homes, abortion, and sexually transmitted diseases, with all of the concomitant problems of abuse, poverty, and emotional trauma.

At the same time, a new generation of young people has emerged with more access to information and freedom for experimentation than ever before. But as the personal stories of students reveal, freedom without any moral pegs is paralyzing and frightening. Unable to “look up,” in desperation, they look around to what their peers are doing and feeling, seeking advice from each other in campus forums and columns, or from sex-product marketeers and, in the end, left to wonder why they can’t get their social lives together.

Maybe if they looked up, they would discover they were not designed for a string of unencumbered encounters, but for an enduring relationship—one foreshadowed in a time-honored institution.

“‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.’ This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church.” (The Apostle Paul)

Regis Nicoll is a freelance writer and a Centurion of the Wilberforce Forum. His “All Things Examined” column appears on BreakPoint every other Friday. Serving as a men’s ministry leader and worldview teacher in his community, Regis publishes a free weekly commentary to stimulate thought on current issues from a Christian perspective. To be placed on this free e-mail distribution list, e-mail him at:

09-20-2006 02:31 PM

Re: Desperate Coeds
Regular Contributor

Are you posting pussified articles sponsoring the feminist agenda of demonizing men’s sexuality in an attempt to mirror Oprah.. or.. just because they take up space?

Where did these dumb biitches get their information about the college scene? From Comedy Central? What a ridiculously absurd and ignorant take on female-male relations.

09-20-2006 05:10 PM

Re: Desperate Coeds
Regular Contributor
Raunch Feminism has turned our young Girls into Whores. is a whore Factory. Just days ago a Raid by US Postal Inspectors and the FBI on Kiddie Porn revealed that those who posted it were Children. Our culture is Wheels off. Our grade school girls are having oral sex as young as 8 years old. We are in a Moral Free fall. Feminism has undermined the underpinings of our Nation.

The message by Michael Noer opened Pandora’s Box. Now that Men are demanding not requesting true equality and accountability. As usual the Feminists aka. American Women. Who have been indoctrinated by the “Spin Sisters” the media Cabal of Feminist Women. Including Barabara Walters, Oprah, Katie Couric, Diane Sawyer, and Connie Chung. Have been sold Feminism. Our Women exude Misandry without realizing they have been brain Washed. The TV is a brain washing tool pandering to and promoting the Homosexual and Feminist (Lesbian) Agenda.

They can no longer hide their failures. And they are monsterous. We have been engaging in a Mass Eugenics program disguised as “Choice”. For every 5 pregnancies of Black Women two are terminated with Abortion. Planned Parenthood is a Ethnic Cleansing Program disguised as “Choice”. What is the Kharmic Retribution and price to be paid for this mass slaughter approaching 50 million babies?

We are drugging no less than 5 Million of our Boys who dispise the Feminized Schools. And many have permanent brain damage as a result.
How many will have Mental Health issues for the rest of their lives? Due to some evil FemNags and their Utopian programs.

Our Prisons are warehouses for the failures of single Mother homes. Chuck Colson reformed Watergate Felon has had a Prison Ministry for 3 Decades. It is a fact that 85% of inmates come from single mother homes. Repeatedly we keep hearing from the Career Feminists how wonderful Feminism is. It needs to be exposed for the massive Lie and Fraud that it is.

09-20-2006 07:04 PM

Re: Desperate Coeds
Regular Contributor

I agree with many of your valid points. But I’m referring to the article above which is guilty of what you just mentioned–perpetuating certain feminist ideology without even realizing it. In the article, girls are treated as human beings while the boys are treated as agents of satan that are just sort of the backdrop for the FEMALE experience.

And even the characterization of the ease of sexual activity is quite simply ridiculous. If it were that easy, I wouldn’t have to teach these guys how to get laid in the feminazi environment they are faced with today.

The article lacks credibility when it makes outlandish claims like that that hardly mirror real life situations.

09-20-2006 07:58 PM

Re: Desperate Coeds
Regular Contributor
On the ethnic cleansing, what gives you the idea whites abort less like lets say in Europe ? The reason of feminism is primarly population reduction. The reaction of men and the unwillingness to marry within one or 2 generations was forseeable. It also makes sure not too many join the club of the rich and educated keepin the middle and under class well populated.

09-20-2006 10:29 PM

Click on the board or message subject at the top to return.

%d bloggers like this: