Conception by Deception


Reader Response to “Don’t Marry Career Women” – Conception by Deception

Conception by Deception
khankrumthebulg
Regular Contributor
khankrumthebulg
xxhttp://www.salon.com/mwt/feature/1998/09/cov_23feature.html

BY TRACY QUAN | “In a relationship, you reach a point where the woman’s going to get pregnant on you, unless you stop seeing her, and that’s what was happening with Kim.”

David, a programmer in his 30s, is a year younger than me, and we’ve known each other since infancy. But as I listen, I momentarily have to remind myself that we grew up in the same era. Throughout my sex life, aware that previous generations of women had almost no control over their fertility, I have taken comfort in the way technology protects me from the whims of nature. Yet David seems to think his sex partners are as untrustworthy as nature itself.

(Names and other personal information about sources in this story have been changed.)

David’s assertion that sooner or later his girlfriend would “get pregnant on” him makes him sound like a throwback to the Eisenhower era. In some circles, the fashionable view is that males are responsible for unwanted pregnancies. A public service ad aimed at young women features a manipulative teenage boy pressuring his girlfriend to prove her love by having risky sex, but there are no Planned Parenthood posters warning young males about girls who say they’re on the Pill when they’re not.

These days, when a man blames a woman for getting pregnant, he is likely to be dismissed as a Deadbeat Dad. There’s some reason for this: Prominent among the men who accuse women of “tricking” them into fatherhood are athletes and other celebrities who ignore their own kids while seeking to discredit the mothers who raise them.

But public health ads and tawdry headlines don’t always capture the emotional nuances, the many things left unsaid, in people’s relationships. These familiar stereotypes of low-life Lotharios and scheming gold-diggers don’t always explain how males can become fathers accidentally by design — woman’s design.

When I was in my early 20s, a boyfriend informed me that his buddy — a devoted father and husband, as far as I could tell — had been “screwed”: Apparently, he had become a father because his wife had lied about using her diaphragm. I was never sure what to make of this: If the woman had really done this, why did she ever admit the ruse to her husband? Was she an Amoral Supermom — so determined to exercise her “fertility rights” that her partner’s wishes barely registered? Did she ever feel guilty? These weren’t questions I could ask her on our next double date.

A few years ago, Bill, a relative in his early 30s, told me that the woman he lived with, Lucy, had made a post-coital announcement: She wasn’t using her cap anymore. She was playfully vague about revealing when she had stopped. I was astonished. Didn’t she owe it to Bill — and their potential child — to make sure he was willing to be a father beforehand? When I bluntly suggested that she wasn’t mature enough to be a parent, he said I was being ridiculously clinical, that this was Lucy’s way of asking for a commitment. Bill was clearly touched, even flattered, by her behavior.

Yet imagine if the situation were reversed. Suppose Bill was in charge of birth control, and he informed his girlfriend that he had stopped using contraception some time ago, was coy about the exact date and chose to break the news to her in bed after a successful frolic. Lucy would feel violated; most women would regard him as a man so predatory as to be unfit for fatherhood. Bill’s pushy bid for a commitment would look downright pathological.

The fact is that despite our egalitarian efforts to turn reproduction into a rational process, men and women don’t always hold each other to the same standards. Women, at times, can get away with behavior that we wouldn’t tolerate from men — and many of us exploit the inequalities that are said to work against us. As the anti-suffragette feminist Emma Goldman said in a discussion about “woman’s inhumanity to man,” “woman is naturally perverse.” Women can be presumptuous about deciding how and when to breed, and some women would argue that what we do with our wombs is nobody’s business but our own. A woman I know was told by her mother that “men are never ready for babies,” and that consulting the prospective father of her child was therefore pointless.

It’s quite easy to play to a man’s laziness or selfishness where sex and birth control are concerned. Often, men aren’t so much tricked as they are led into fatherhood by women who take advantage of the fact that most males regard birth control as a hassle. Many feminists would say it’s unfair that we bear the responsibility for birth control, but for a woman determined to procreate against her partner’s wishes, it’s a bonus. The Pill, in particular, gives women the power to plan behind a man’s back. Factors that might make it “better” from a guy’s point of view — no bothersome IUD string rubbing against his flesh, no awkward pause to hunt for condoms and no raincoat-in-the-shower symptoms — also make it possible for him to be deceived (or to deceive himself).

Why do some women think it’s OK to plan parenthood without a partner’s consent, while others — like me — recoil in horror? Why do some men feel betrayed by this strategy, while others excuse it? To find out, I asked a number of men to talk about their experiences with accidental fatherhood.

10-01-2006 12:30 PM

Re: Conception by Deception
leeraconteur
Regular Contributor
leeraconteur

This is how things have change in the 8 years since that was published.

It is now seeping into the popular consciousness that some women lie, cheat, deceive and mislead the men in their lives into having children, amongst other subjects.

Used to be the Feminists and MSM had everyone convinced women were sugar and spice, but the unleashing of Female Nature, without any societal constraints, has awakened many men to the reality:

Women Lie.

This blind trust of Women was an artifact of pre-Feminist Chivalry, that the rampant selfish drive for female entitlement had yet to obliterate.

In 2006, this blind trust is fading fast.

10-01-2006 12:43 PM

Re: Conception by Deception
toadman
Regular Contributor
toadman

Bring on the Male Pill!

10-01-2006 12:54 PM

Re: Conception by Deception
dumbbroad
Regular Contributor
dumbbroad

“Bring on the Male Pill!”

Amen. I think I might continue to take my pill as well, though!

10-01-2006 03:44 PM

Re: Conception by Deception
HappyMom
Regular Contributor
HappyMom
I have no sympathy. If you have sex you may conceive a child. Stop acting as though children are unwanted parasites. If people would just wait until they are married to have sex, there would be no Ooops pregnancies to trick a man into marriage. Once you are married, accept that children are a possibility and welcome rather then resent them.

10-01-2006 03:53 PM

Re: Conception by Deception
reclaff
Contributor
reclaff

Message Edited by reclaff on 07-30-2007 04:13 PM

10-01-2006 04:02 PM

Re: Conception by Deception
Diogetrix
Regular Contributor
Diogetrix

The reason men are tricked into fathering children is because men have a stronger sex craving than women. This is so universally true that it took about the same amount of social engineering and brainwashing to get rid of the **bleep** reality as it took for the government to convince us of the danger of the domino theory in SE Asia.

That means, obviously, that women are in a position to exploit men. Of course, you can twist reality around to the point that there is some other explanation for everything. The situation as it now exists in US society is that we don’t talk about this, or other obvious realities, because it’s too discomforting to have to always confront the lying, manipulative, vicious, females who must have reality obscured in order to dominate men.

There is one overiding power relationship that makes it possible for women to do all their evil: The need of the government to control men, have the cooperation of the women, and make more babies for industrial and military use. Not much point in arguing with or begging either the women or the government. Mao said that political power comes from the mouth of a cannon, and that’s about as phallic a metaphor as you could want. Mao knew what he was talking about; the use of women in taking power, reforming society and keeping men from effectively organizing against tyranny has been effective in China, Russia, Cuba, Vietnam, and elsewhere – like, maybe here?

10-01-2006 05:07 PM

Re: Conception by Deception
moneyneversleep
Regular Contributor
moneyneversleep

Children should NEVER be assumed to be a byproduct of marriage.  BOTH parents should and must agree upon the viability of having children, whether both want them, under what conditions, etc.  If you are a man, you must naturally assume responsibility for birth control and presume your woman/wife/girlfriend is a liar and will do nothing of the sort.

10-01-2006 05:15 PM

Re: Conception by Deception
Halladay
Regular Contributor
Halladay

HappyMom writes..

“I have no sympathy. If you have sex you may conceive a child. Stop acting as though children are unwanted parasites. If people would just wait until they are married to have sex, there would be no Ooops pregnancies to trick a man into marriage. Once you are married, accept that children are a possibility and welcome rather then resent them. ”

i agree..   children are the future.  they will be future taxpayers.  they will be future inventors.  they will be the future of this economy and world economy.  they will not be viewed as parasites 20 or so yrs from now.

10-01-2006 06:55 PM

Re: Conception by Deception
MartianBachelor
Regular Contributor
MartianBachelor
Ok, glad we’re discussing this now — I’d posted the link to it sometime way back but it must have gone unnoticed because I don’t recall any response. I was an active part of salon.com’s TableTalk discussion board (before the site went subscription c.2001) when the article first came out; it’s too bad it doesn’t seem to be archived for public viewing. Lot’s of interesting people there, too.

“It is now seeping into the popular consciousness that some women lie, cheat, deceive and mislead the men in their lives into having children, amongst other subjects.”

I think the feminist version of this was: It is now seeping into the popular [feminist] consciousness that some men lie, cheat, deceive and mislead the women in their lives into having children, amongst other subjects.

The only difference is response: women needed protection against evil men, while men needed to be reminded of their responsibilities – or to keep it jipped up (their legs together) in the first place.

______________________________________________
“The loudest, most strident voices calling women weak, stupid, and incapable of competing in the world at large are the feminists.” – zed the zen priest

10-02-2006 07:08 PM

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