Domestic violence is equal opportunity


Reader Response to “Don’t Marry Career Women” – Domestic violence is equal opportunity

Domestic violence is equal opportunity
khankrumthebulg
Regular Contributor
khankrumthebulg
Lorne Gunter
National Post

Tuesday, October 10, 2006

Last Monday, Statistics Canada released a major study on violence against women. It is the third such mega-study the nation’s head-counters have done since 1993.

The findings are quite useful. They would be even more useful if the report weren’t infused with so much gender bias against male victims of domestic violence.

Like most of officialdom — politicians, academics, the courts, police, Crown prosecutors, special interest groups, health care professionals –StatsCan does its utmost to highlight violence by men against women, while trivializing violence by women against men.

Part of the greater emphasis on violence against women is warranted. As the report points out, “Women are more frequently subjected to severe forms of violence from men than men are from women.” For instance, “In 2004, twice as many women than men were beaten by their partners.”

But that still means a lot of men were beaten by their partners.

StatsCan, and the rest of the anti-violence establishment, acts as if no men were beaten, though. The StatsCan report contains sections on the “prevalence and severity of violence against women,” the “impact of violence against women,” “risk factors associated with violence against women,” “violence against Aboriginal women” and “violence against women in the territories,” yet pays almost no special attention to violence against men.

In 2004 — the base year of the study — 654,000 women and 546,000 men reported being the victims of spousal violence at least once in the previous five years. That’s a nearly equal proportion of both sexes — 7% of Canadian women and 6% of Canadian men.

Even if more than twice as many female victims of domestic violence (19%) are beaten compared to male victims (8%), that still means nearly 44,000 Canadian men received beatings at the hands (or blunt objects) of their female partners.

Certainly, the corresponding number among women — 124,000 — is substantially higher. But to read StatsCan’s report or listen to representatives of the shelter lobby or provincial ministers responsible for reducing violence, you would be forgiven for forming the impression that only women are ever victims of domestic abuse.

In fact, while female victims are more likely to be “pushed, grabbed [or] shoved” — 81% versus 48% of male victims — or sexually assaulted by their partners — 16% to almost zero — both sexes are equally likely (23% each) to hit their partners with an object of some sort or to threaten the other with a gun or knife (11% versus 9%). Meanwhile, female assaulters are more likely to kick, bite or hit (40% to 27%), slap (57% to 36%) or throw something (49% to 44%).

Admittedly, violence against women is the more common problem.

Statistics Canada reveals that “twice as many female victims of spousal assault reported chronic, ongoing assaults” of 10 or more attacks.

Still, that finding does not mean that no males were chronically abused.

While 137,000 female victims claimed 10 or more violent incidents in the previous five years, 60,000 men experienced the same treatment.

Early on in its study, Statistics Canada tries to explain away its anti-male bias. Indeed, on the first page after the table of contents, the authors write, “Women’s traditional role in society as caregivers often limits their ability to access programs intended for all Canadians.” They cite as an example employment training programs that might be available only to full-time workers. Since more women than men work part-time, such a program would favour men over women. Therefore, they infer, work on domestic violence must focus on women, lest female victims somehow be forgotten.

But since there are nearly 600 shelters for female victims of domestic abuse, and only a handful of male shelters, it is hard to share StatsCan’s worry that women who suffer abuse are more likely than men to drop through the cracks.

The whole focus of treatment programs for abusers, and special court policies on prosecuting abusers, is aimed at men who beat their female partners. There is very little focus on the obverse, which may explain why men who abuse are more than twice as likely as female abusers to be charged with the highest offence for their crimes, and more than twice as likely to serve time.

Domestic abuse is a human problem, not a male or female one. Other studies have shown that women are almost as likely to strike the first blow in a relationship as men. Men may be marginally more violent than their female partners, and their violence may lead to about twice as much injury. Still, as a culture, we pretend that damaging, female-initiated violence does not exist.

Perhaps the most useful part of StatsCan’s large survey is its examination of risk factors for domestic violence. If you are living common-law, you are as much as five times as likely to suffer abuse as someone who is married. Indeed, violence by live-in boyfriends and girlfriends is the only category of abuse that has grown in the past five years.

If you are young or aboriginal or have an alcoholic or drug-addicted partner, you are more vulnerable. Also if you are gay or lesbian.

“Spousal violence was twice as common among homosexual couples compared with heterosexual couples.” Fifteen percent of gay and lesbian partnerships experienced violence.

Significant reductions in spousal abuse have been achieved in the past 15 years. But it is less likely further significant improvements will occur so long as the issue is so clouded by gender bias and politics.

lgunter@shaw.ca

10-12-2006 02:07 PM

Re: Domestic violence is equal opportunity
CosTas
Contributor
CosTas

May I just say that verbal abuse and constant nagging and psychological manipulation that so many men get from women are behind most instances of their physical violence against “the fairer sex”.
But what on Earth can you do to shut her up if, say, you are a coal miner or a trucky coming back home after 10 hours of work on your last legs, dead tired and emotionally drained? And she starts nagging about money, about you keeping her emotionally unfulfilled and not sharing housework and manipulating you backwards and forward to get you to do things for her and the list just goes on and on…

10-13-2006 04:21 AM

Re: Domestic violence is equal opportunity
karla_nz
Regular Visitor
karla_nz
I would suggest she see a counsellor, or find someone else to talk to. We can only listen to **bleep** for so long, before it affects us as well. Negotiate and work out timetables, allowing specific time for complaining, and have mutually agreed on consequences for not keeping within those time constraints. Allow a maximum of 60 minutes per session for complaining – any more is actually unhelpful, it just keeps people buried in their problems. Be firm about sticking to the time limits; walk out of the room if necessary. If partner continues to break boundaries have complaints session via telephone or with mediator/third person present.

Another solution is to have a complaints jar. Everyone gets to put complaints in the jar, and a specific time is allowed for dealing with them, one by one, say at the end of the week. Most of the problems that can be fixed will have been by then. Any that are not can be placed back into the jar.

As you say it is a form of psychological abuse to use a partner as a counsellor (unless the partner is willing or asks for it). However some (most?) women don’t learn this until after they have made the mistake of mistreating one or several partners and driving them mad with their abuse. If women continue to abuse men, men must leave them. Don’t expect things to get better – in most cases women’s abuse gets progressively worse over time; it never gets better. Women are not victims, although they will try and play this card, and given time they can actually find solutions that work for them by themselves. They need to learn that they don’t need a husband or father to fix things for them, they need a partner who will encourage and support them to look for their own solutions.

10-13-2006 03:20 PM

Re: Domestic violence is equal opportunity
Happy_Bullet
Regular Contributor
Happy_Bullet

Good advice Karla_Nz!!

Can I ask where that advice came from, personal experience or somewhere else, if somewhere else was it from a reputable organisation you can tell me about?

Men have standards. Women will be compared. DEAL WITH IT.

10-13-2006 11:45 PM

Re: Domestic violence is equal opportunity
karla_nz
Regular Visitor
karla_nz
Thank you Happy_bullet. In reply to your question, no, I don’t have any reputable organisation I can quote from. I’ve learned mostly through necessity and personal experience. The ideas for conflict resolution are only suggestions, and to my knowledge are not backed by hard evidence. Try them at your own peril, and if they don’t work feel free to blame me personally.

10-15-2006 07:15 AM

Re: Domestic violence is equal opportunity
Diogetrix
Regular Contributor
Diogetrix

All they have to do is keep you guys talking – about the wrong thing. Do you guys really want the females to poo poo and sooth you into believing that they really mean well? Ignore them. Until the legal structure changes you would be insane to get sucked in to any involvement with an American female.

10-15-2006 04:00 PM

Re: Domestic violence is equal opportunity
Pete
Regular Contributor
Pete
The fact is, when men are no longer permitted to use their superior physical strength, women have both an individual and collective advantage.

And a society where men do not have the power to regulate or punish women’s bad behavior is one where feminism (and women’s rights) exist and thrive.

10-15-2006 06:32 PM

Re: Domestic violence is equal opportunity
barron55
Contributor
barron55

This is a good article but fails to address the real problem. In that sense I agree with Diogetrix. The entire legal system of marriage and domestic violence laws needs to be trashed and replaced with a system that is fair and truly equitable, not what is here and is being called fair and equitable by the courts and liberal man hating feminists. The system at present is lopsided at a ratio of 1000 to 1 against men, and liberal, democrat, feminist, lesbian man haters are responsible for the mess they have made over American relationships by destroying family law and re-creating it in their own image that benefits only them. The male politicians are equally bad for sitting back as spineless politicians who looked the other way as the feminists castrated family law into their own image for fear of being called racist, homophobic or women haters or womanizers. Any liberal name tagging that these wimps and pimps feared would cost them their future campaigns.

The first thing that needs to happen is to totally scrap “no fault divorce”. Full accountability in a marriage needs to be held up and scrutinized on both men and women. This means both have to fully respect the responsibilities and vows they took with respect to each other for their combined well being. Abusive, manipulative marriages such as acts of infidelity, repeated acts of lying, stealing, verbal and physical abuse should be grounds for either side to call it quits and divorce. But here’s the big catch. The liberal, feminist, male controling bitc_ that often manipulates herself into this position for the plundering of the mans assets will now be in a quandray, because now her outrageous behavior will be used against her to deny any pillaging of the mans money or assets and she gets her greedy little ass thrown out with nothing but her personal belongings! Call that justice? You bet it is!! This is what should happen to manipulative gold diggers.
Likewise, if we have a feminist who pops a few kids, ran the ten year clock and now, “just beacuse” , wants her own space in life along with the mans money will also be rejected by the courts because of not having grounds to divorce. Sorry, honey, if ya want out, do it on your dime, not the mans! He was a good, responsible husband. But to change this, the man has to be responsible as well. No infidelity, no abusive behavior like the courts should hold up to women, either. So if the man screws up under the same pretenses, at this point, he has broken his vows which should give the woman the right to walk away and divorce and get financial assistance from the man, with child support and the right to take up to 50% of the assets. The key is accountability on both sides. If we had marital laws like this, gold digging spouses would seriously decline in numbers as these little feminist witches would realize they have no more power to manipulate their way into a guys life and  screw him over when the time befits them. Likewise, guys would have a real incentive to behave and honor their women and marital vows.That would save the courts and society billions of dollars per year in having to deal with frivolous lawsuits pent up around bad marriages that would have never happened in the first place. If accountability is brought back, both sides would have to think long and hard about their feelings and be sure that marriage is the right thing and they really have their match.

As far as family courts, abolish all of them. They are run by liberal, feminist, lesbian man hating judges who snatch children denying parental rights of parents and force the governments big brother “we know whats best for a child” arrogant mentality on families. Children end up more abused by this assanine system of interference than they would staying with a troubled family except in extreme cases where its obvious the child is being seriously neglected or abused. Many children snatched by this system end up being force drugged by government assho_ _ _ because they don’t want to deal with tramatic emotions of troubled children, and then DHS agencies will often place a child that was snatched by big brother into a foster family that sexually or otherwise severely abuses the foster child even worse. This system is a disaster. Every person in it needs to be fired, and funding for this corrupt bureaucratic fossil should be cut off. This whole organization was given birth by radical lesbian feminists who love to destroy mens authority and families. Women who have become single with children who can’t cope have had their own nightmare experiences with these nosy, intrusive authoritarian judges as well.

And as far as domestic violence laws? They all need to be totally scrapped and abolished. What liberal, feminst,democrat, man hating legislators did with these laws is supplant adequately existing laws with a version that gives women total control over men. If you don’t think so, read my posts in the “another whore story” in this thread. That explains well, how at the touch of a phone call and a frivolous claim of abuse by a man from her husband/significant other is all that is needed to cause an arrest of the man with automatic restraining that barrs the guy from returning to HIS OWN HOME! This all happens without even a court hearing! Then try to convince a liberal feminist judge or even a male judge ( who has the threat of feminst man hating groups harrassing him if he lifts the restraining order or has to worry about how angry and pissed off the guy is for the outrage of a false abuse claim that leads to an automatic restrainig order preventing him from going back home ) to lift the “protective order”. What a crock of bullshi*. Women know well how pissed off any man would be to have the rug pulled out from underneath him so as to ruin his financial lifes security at the whim of a feminist bitc* that either was dishonest from the beginning or just decides on a whim to hose the guy for the sake of being independent. So again, we have the feminists screwing with marital law to give them special rights to cart a guy off to jail NOT BECAUSE THEY GUY IS ACTUALLY PRONE TO BEING VIOLENT, BUT BECAUSE THESE MANIPULATIVE FEMINISTS ARE SCARED THAT THEIR OUTRAGEOUS BEHAVIORS WILL LEAD TO VIOLENCE AND BECAUSE THEY ARE NOT AS STRONG THEY NEED LAW ENFORCEMENT TO INTERVENE AND ACT AS THEIR MUSCLE POWER SO THAT THEY CAN CONTINUE THERE UNABATED BEHAVIOR THROUGH DIVORCE COURT AND BEYOND.  These are all ideas put into womens heads at a very young age, starting in the public school system, where young girls are programmed to believe that they are no different ( except for their genitals) than men are under any pretense. Along with this training comes conditioning that as to be young women, they are better than men, and through this mentality, comes the sense of unfettered entitlements, both tax paid nanny services, health and day care, along with the attitude of entitlement through a marriage that they are entitled to and should disrespect mens authority and steal their assets. After all, they were trained to believe they better know how to manage money and assets so they should just take it over. The preconditioned attitudes of many American women today is to be independent, reject mens authority, but only have them in your lives to get their sperm and money. Women supposedly are better than men and can raise a family alone with the help of government programs started up by these same liberal, democrat, man hating feminsts. Thirty five years later and after the fact, this radical feminism has destroyed many American familes. The really sad part is the pain and suffering inflicted upon the innocent kids brought into this world that are victims of abuse by feminism.

06-18-2007 09:29 PM

Re: Domestic violence is equal opportunity
barron55
Contributor
barron55

To further clarify what I said about abolishing “no fault” divorce for an accountability system to replace it is that divorce can and should be allowed to continue as in “no fault” under the pretense of “unreconscilable differences”. You can’t keep someone where they absolutely and for their own reasons no longer want to be. However, using that context as a reason would no longer allow an award of spousal assets or alimony. The exception, of course, would be in the case of a guy who was married and suddenly wants out like the feminist kid popping ten year divorcee woman. The ten year popper without proof of abuse or infidelity would be denied spousal asset/income awards. But if the guy has most or all of the assets, he can’t just walk away without the same sort of abuse being perpetrated on him. In this regard, an award of spousal support and asset award would be necessary so that the affected women can get on with her life. In this case, the guy may also have to give custody of his kids up as well and definately provide financial support for his children. Accountability, and case by case situations would adequately deal with the probems and this new system would sure as hell be superior to the current feminist system we have that automatically requires surrender of 50% or more of assets to the divorcing party regardless. That is pure illogical crap!

06-19-2007 06:25 PM

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